


Like Sunshine

by arienai (pikestaff)



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Abusive Home Environment, Angst, Background Kasumi/Arisa, Background Misaki/Kanon, F/F, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-01-29 01:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21402070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikestaff/pseuds/arienai
Summary: There are nights where Hagumi doesn't sleep very well because of her nightmares.  There are other nights where her ears hurt from turning her music all the way up to drown out her parents' arguing.  But she's going to keep smiling, no matter what.  She's going to keep smiling for the band, and she's going to keep smiling for Kokoro, the brightest, most beautiful girl she's ever met.
Relationships: Kitazawa Hagumi/Tsurumaki Kokoro
Comments: 61
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

She was having the dream where she was trapped again.

Well, one of them, anyway.

The dream was usually set in one of a number of different places. The school, the store, the mall... usually it was one of those, but sometimes her brain would pick something unusually inventive such as a movie theater or indoor gym. But the location didn't matter so much as the part where she'd inevitably try to leave and the door would be locked shut. Then she'd turn around for help and no one would be there. Even if the place had been filled with people just seconds before, they'd all be gone now. They'd all left her behind.

She'd rattle the doorknob and then turn around to look for an alternative way out, and then when she'd turn back the door would usually be gone. That's when things would get really scary, because that usually meant that the next voice she'd hear would be...

...no, wait. This was a dream. She'd had it enough times by now and knew it wasn't real. At least, that's what she tried to tell herself, but the unconscious part of her brain that was weaving these images all together to begin with didn't like being told that it wasn't real. So it was half-real and half-not. A confusing feeling. But if she could just wake up...

She heard footsteps behind her. They weren't coming for her, because they never did. But she knew that they were approaching someone else, and she knew that loud voices would come soon after and...

A shrill screaming sound. There it was -

\- wait. No. This was better. This was just her phone's alarm. The locked room melted away around Hagumi as she groggily opened her eyes.

Just as she'd thought, it had all been a dream. It was okay.

It was okay, and the sun was just starting to rise. It peeked through the window, warm and inviting, and it reminded Hagumi of so many happy days spent outside in green grass. What wonderful memories! The nightmare faded away into nothingness, like dust motes drifting out of sight, and by the time Hagumi sat up in bed she had forgotten about it completely. It was the weekend, the weather was supposed to be nice, and she was going to go practice with the band soon - it was going to be a fantastic day!

She took her time washing up, getting dressed, and eating breakfast. She wasn't in a hurry, because technically the band wasn't going to meet until later, but she couldn't help but be excited anyway. She would have been excited to begin with just because she enjoyed getting out of the house and being with the people who she cared about, but supposedly Kokoro had managed to snag everyone new outfits - which she announced in a group text filled with a variety of emojis, most of which weren't even relevant to the discussion - and as Hagumi loved trying on new outfits she was definitely ready to see what Kokoro had in store. Eventually she decided to show up at Kokoro's place early. Kokoro was almost always there anyway - she was always possibly the most excited for practice out of all of them.

Hagumi saw both of her parents before heading out. They both seemed to be in an okay mood. Hagumi was grateful for it. Sometimes they got loud and... well. Anyway. Recently things had been good. Sales at the store had been going well, and sometimes things would be a little worrying but...

Hagumi didn't want to think about it. She was already in such a good mood. Why ruin it? She shook the thoughts away, told her parents that she'd be back later and then headed out. Overall, she thought that they didn't mind that she was in a band. They were pretty supportive of her and her brother's activities. That seemed to be the case, at least.

She got onto her bike and rode to the bus stop. She saw flowers and lots of greenery. Being outside on a sunny day always made her feel better, no matter what. She didn't mind waiting for the bus because it was so nice out. Soon enough the bus arrived and she boarded and was off to Kokoro's place. Kokoro lived outside of town and it was a bit of a journey to get there, but the view from the window was so nice that Hagumi didn't mind at all. There would be more biking once the bus ride was over, and she didn't mind that, either. This was a journey she had made several times and it was always a pleasant one.

She saw a couple of people on the bus with headphones. Hagumi was glad that they could enjoy music wherever they were. She didn't usually carry headphones with her when she was out and about, although she used them at home a great deal. She used them in the past more than she did now, which was a good thing. Music was always good, of course, but the headphones just reminded her of... well, anyway. None of that mattered now. She looked out the window by her seat and saw mountains and clouds. That made her happy, and that was important. She had to be happy, right? If she was going to make the whole world smile with the rest of the band, she would have to start out by being happy herself!

She was doing good, she thought, as the bus arrived at the stop and Hagumi exited and then hopped onto her bike. She knew she could keep it up.

Hagumi had been expecting to be the first person at Kokoro's place, but as it turned out, Misaki and Kanon were both already there. They were seated at a table eyeing something, and Hagumi, curious, approached. "Misaki-chan! Kanon-chan-senpai! Good morning!" The thing on the table looked like a little glittering jewel in a bowl, but she couldn't quite make out what it was... at least, until she saw it move. Was it... "Is that a fish?" she exclaimed. She leaned over, hands on her knees, to take a closer look. It was indeed a fish; one with a long, flowing tail in different shades of yellow. It darted about, waggling its little front fins excitedly.

"It's called a betta," said Kanon. Her eyes were soft as she spoke - they usually were. Hagumi found Kanon to be a relaxing presence in the band. Her voice was very soothing, and even when she was distressed there was a soft quality to it. "I got it at a pet store. The person there said people kept passing this one by, so... I got it myself!"

"Aw, but it's so pretty!" Hagumi said. "Why would people pass it by?"

"Well," said Kanon, "At the pet store they said it was because most people prefer a fish with even brighter colors, like red or blue. Yellow is pretty, but it doesn't really pop out."

Hagumi thought it popped out like the brightest sunshine. "I love it! I think it's beautiful." Then something occurred to her. "Does it have a name?"

"Not yet," said Kanon. "That's one of the reasons I brought it here... I thought maybe we could all think of a name together."

Misaki, meanwhile, was browsing something on her phone. "I don't think we should keep it in a bowl for very long," she said. "All the websites say that bettas prefer a filtered aquarium. It's a bit of a myth that they can live in bowls. Well, I mean, I'm sure it could theoretically if you changed the water every day, but it would be like keeping a human in a closet. You know?"

"Fuee," said Kanon, suddenly looking worried. "I want it to be happy..."

"Yeah, don't worry, Kanon-san," said Misaki. "After practice today I can go to the pet store with you and help you pick out a better home for it."

"Really?" Kanon perked up. "Thank you, Misaki-chan."

That is when Kokoro entered the room.

Kokoro, Hagumi thought, always shined like the sun. She may have even been brighter than the sun when she smiled. She exuded warmth and brightness - not softly, but _sharply_. She was the entire season of summer itself, perhaps. That was good, though, even if it took her by surprise sometimes. Imagine having a miniature sun in your life, always following you around and making sure you felt its light on your face if you ever needed it?

That was what Kokoro was like, Hagumi thought.

She wanted to be just like that.

"Everyone!" Kokoro put her hands on her hips. "Welcome to practice! ...wait, not everyone is here! We're missing..."

"Kaoru-san?" Misaki asked.

"Michelle!" Kokoro exclaimed. Then after a few seconds she added, "Well, Kaoru too. We're missing both of them!" Before anyone else could reply, Kokoro noticed the fish on the table. She gasped. "Oh my goodness!! What a wonderful new friend! Where did it come from? Does it want to join the band?"

"Um," said Kanon, "It's mine. I went to the pet store to see if they had jellyfish... they didn't, but they had lots of fish like this. I got this one and brought it here so you could all help me name it."

"Well, I'm sure it must have a name already, right?" said Kokoro. "We just need to ask it."

"I..." Kanon was taken aback. "I guess," she said. "But I'm not sure how to speak fish."

"I bet Michelle knows!" Kokoro said. "Michelle is very smart, you know. Alright, it's decided! When Michelle is here, we'll have her ask the fish what its name is!"

"Oh dear," Misaki mumbled with a smile.

"Um... okay," Kanon said.

Michelle had always been such an interesting topic for Hagumi. Because Michelle, it seemed to her, was both real and not real at the same time. Hagumi knew all about mascots, of course. She remembered going to places like Smile Land when she was young and seeing them and being so entranced by their antics. Later she started trying to make her own costumes, which culminated in Marie Andromeda, the bunny mascot she had embodied for a competition.

Michelle, she knew deep down inside, was also a mascot. There was someone - probably Misaki - inside Michelle. But at the same time, Michelle was real. She knew _that_ deep down inside, too. She wasn't quite sure how to explain this. It was sort of like the feeling you get when you're just starting to get a little too old for Santa Claus but you're not quite ready to move on yet. She still believed in Michelle. She didn't have to, but she wanted to. Michelle was something extra special to the band, and extra special to her. She remembered having some one-on-one talks with her and they were some of her fondest memories.

Yes. Right now, Michelle was definitely real.

"I agree!" she said. "We should absolutely ask Michelle to talk to the fish!"

"I knew you would think so too, Hagumi! I can always count on you! " said Kokoro. Her hair was so golden and it flowed when she turned, just like the fish's tail fin. Hagumi couldn't help but make this comparison as she basked in the compliment.

She was so, so glad to be here with her friends. She was so, so glad to be here with Kokoro. 

"Ah, my little kittens... hello." That would be Kaoru, finally arriving to meet up with the others. "Do forgive my late arrival. I... oh!" she saw the fish on the table and seemed to be almost startled, at first, but then her lips widened into a smile. "What a beautiful new addition to our little family! And such graceful movements! Like a little dancer."

"Exactly!" said Kokoro. "It will be a perfect addition to our show! The next time Michelle is here, she's going to ask what its name is."

"A splendid idea," said Kaoru. "I cannot wait to fully make its acquaintance."

"Same!" said Hagumi.

"Anyway!" Kokoro exclaimed. "The first thing I want to do is show you all our new costumes for our next show! I bet you're all going to love them!"

Then there was a pause and nothing happened. No one moved, and there were certainly no new costumes about. "Um..." Misaki began.

"BOOM!" Kokoro shouted, and right as she did, five new outfits descended from the ceiling in a fantastic display of light and color. All five were spectacularly colorful, like parade outfits, and all five came with extravagant matching hats and and shoes. One of them was bear-sized, of course, while the others looked tailored to each specific girl.

Hagumi's eyes widened. Hello Happy World had worn a variety of fun costumes before, of course, but these looked like the most fun ones yet. So many different colors! The outfits looked almost like an explosion of confetti and ribbons. She couldn't wait to try hers on.

Behind her, Kaoru gasped. "Such wonderful outfits, destined for greatness! Surely this design could make anyone smile. And to think I get to be a part of it all!"

"I think they are very lovely too," said Kanon.

"I got them specifically for us," said Kokoro. "I said that I wanted us to look like a parade. Do you know what parades do? They travel from street to street, making everyone smile! And that's what we're going to do, too. Go from place to place and make everyone smile - all around the entire world!"

Kokoro positively beamed with energy. Hagumi was starstruck. How could one person be so golden and bright? She was so good at making her smile. If there was anyone who could make the whole world smile, it would be her. Hagumi had always felt a little bit lucky that she had somehow been chosen to be a part of this big project, and sometimes she was scared that it all might burst like a bubble.

She was going to do everything she could to not let that happen.

"We'll all get to try our costumes on later," Kokoro said. "But first, it's time to practice! We can't make the world smile if we aren't in top form, right?"

So, a few minutes later, they had their instruments and were practicing. Well, mostly. Kokoro's idea of practicing mostly involved playing around and coming up with wild new dance choreography - "what if I jumped up so high here that I zoomed through the air in a circle in time to the music!" - and as was always the case, Misaki would sigh but the mysterious figures in black suits who always seemed to be watching from the sidelines would promise that it would be done. Hagumi felt the familiar weight of her bass guitar in her hands. Holding it like this was so comforting, somehow. She might have wondered why, if she was the type of girl to do that, but as it was she accepted this bit of good fortune in her life as a gift. The bass guitar had a magic of its own, just like Michelle and just like the rest of the band. She didn't know if she was ever happier than she was when she was playing music with her friends.

After a few hours, though, it was time to disperse and go home. Hagumi felt a small pang of disappointment at this, as she usually did. The end of practice meant that it was time to go home. And while home had been alright recently, there had been moments in the past where...

She didn't want to think about it. Everything would be fine. And if things weren't fine, then, well... no. She wasn't going to think about that either. _Everything was going to be fine._

Still, maybe she could delay going home for just a _bit_ longer...

She looked over to see what the others were doing.

Kanon picked up the bowl with the yellow fish in it. "Misaki-chan," she said, "Should I take the fish home before we go back to the pet shop?"

Kokoro interjected before Misaki could reply. "You should leave it here! You never know when Michelle will stop by."

"I don't think Michelle is going to be stopping by any time soon," said Misaki wryly. "But it might be a good idea to leave it here for now anyway. It might get too stressed if we're moving it around too much. We can bring it back to your place after we've picked out a good new home for it."

"Ah, okay!" said Kanon. "I'll leave the food here, just in case. You can feed it for a day or two, right, Kokoro-chan?"

"Don't overfeed it," Misaki immediately cut in. "Only one or two pellets a day."

"Got it!" said Kokoro. "When it's with me, it will be as happy as possible! I guarantee it!"

Hagumi sort of felt like the fish in that moment. She was always as happy as possible when she was with Kokoro, too. That thought gave her the resolve to ask "Kokoron... what are you doing for the rest of the day?"

"I'm not sure yet," Kokoro admitted. "I think I'm going to look for something super-duper fun, though! Did you want to come with me?"

That was exactly what Hagumi wanted to hear. She thought her heart might explode from relief. Was it strange to feel that way? No matter. "Yes!" she exclaimed.

Kokoro beamed at her with the world's warmest smile, and Hagumi felt like she was standing in the world's warmest sunbeam.

That day eventually ended, though, although Hagumi was reluctant to let it. She and Kokoro had entertained several children in a nearby park, then gone to a shopping mall together and tried on a variety of clothes. Kokoro always insisted that Hagumi looked cute in whatever she wore, which made Hagumi feel warm and important. But she didn't want to stay out too late when she had to travel back home, so eventually she rode her bike to the bus stop and then rode the bus back into the city. She looked out the window. The sun was setting and darkness was creeping into the sky. The sunset was pretty, but something about it all was melancholy nonetheless.

All was quiet when she arrived home and she couldn't tell if that was a good thing or not. A big part of her thought it was a good thing, but another part of her found it sort of vaguely unsettling. She couldn't tell if both of her parents were home or not. She heard her brother doing something in his room, so at least he was there.

It was a good day, Hagumi thought. She wanted to have more good days like this in the future.

She saw her headphones next to her computer. She didn't use her computer often unless she was doing homework, but there were times when it and the headphones were helpful.

But it hadn't been that way for a while, she thought, as she flopped onto her bed with her phone. And maybe... just maybe... it wouldn't be like that ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: this is where the story becomes heavily about parents fighting and arguing with each other, so if that's not something you're up to reading it's fine if you check out now!

It was dark when Hagumi heard the yelling.

At first she thought it was a part of her dream. In the dream she was at school and had just learned that she'd forgotten a very important assignment that was due that day, and she was in the process of trying to figure out what to do about it when two students began arguing with each other. But the arguing was loud and somehow familiar in a very disconcerting way, and when she realized that, the school began to melt and fade away around her and that's when she woke up in the dark. She'd left her window open and a breeze was teasing the curtains and chilling the room.

And the yelling...

That was her parents.

No. No no no...

She heard them hurl sharp words at each other. Some of the words she could make out, others were muffled. All of them, however, were full of anger. Hagumi pulled the blankets over her head and covered her ears with her hands. Now more of the words were muffled, but she couldn't drown it all out entirely.

She asked herself the same questions she asked every time. Why was this happening? Wasn't marriage and companionship supposed to be about love? Why had it turned out like this?

Now they were stomping around - her dad was, anyway. He was the one who did that. Usually it was a sign that the fight was almost over and that he was about to leave, possibly for days at a time. But this time it didn't sound like he was going to do that. This time the argument continued and their voices rose and even harsher words were exchanged.

The blankets and the hands over her ears weren't working. Hagumi rushed over to her computer and booted it up. Then she put her headphones on and opened her music program, turning it all the way up. She put on the happiest music she could think of - which, at the moment, was Happiness! Happy Magical!, a song that she and the band had played for her friend at the hospital some time ago. If you said the magic words, they'd told their audience, you could make any wish come true.

She focused on the lyrics and whispered the words to herself, choking back tears.

The music was no real use, because it never was, really. She could turn the music up so high that her ears would hurt and she would still hear the yelling and screaming. Music was just the best muffler she had found so far.

Finally, after several long minutes that felt much longer than that, the screaming match was over. Hagumi's father stomped away and she heard the door slam. Then all was quiet, but Hagumi kept the headphones on and kept the music turned up for a long time after, just in case.

She didn't know what time it was when she woke up the next morning. She must have slept in, though, because it was light outside. The window was still open, but the curtains were calm and still. Birds twittered from a nearby tree.

At some point, Hagumi must have taken the headphones off and crawled into bed, although she didn't remember doing that. She was lying on top of most of her blankets, which were disheveled and halfway falling onto the floor. Her phone was next to her. Everything was quiet and still.

She felt confused and disoriented. Something had happened, and she couldn't quite remember _what_ in her bleary state of half-awakeness, but it had been uncomfortable and now she felt odd. Had it been a bad dream? She sort of felt as though she had had a bad dream.

Hagumi sat up in bed. That's when she saw that her computer was on and her music program was open, and her headphones were on the chair.

Then all of it came rushing back, almost as if it _was_ a bad dream that she had suddenly just remembered all the gory details of. Except this hadn't been a dream. It had been real.

_Why? Everything had been going so well... they hadn't fought in so long...  
_

She felt a tired, throbbing pressure in her forehead. Apparently she hadn't slept well. What time was it, anyway? She grabbed her phone. Eleven o'clock. She had missed some text messages from Kokoro. Right... it was still the weekend, wasn't it? She didn't have school, did she? She was so disoriented.

She opened the text messages without thinking. "Hagu~" said the text. "We're going to set up the new home for the fish around noon!!!! Isn't it exciting!!!!!!!!!! You should come over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" This was followed by about two dozen different emojis.

Hagumi just stared at it. For some reason, she sort of felt like she was having trouble reading. Or trouble comprehending, perhaps. Everything felt foggy and surreal. Then she decided that she definitely needed to get out of the house. So she got dressed and went downstairs. Neither of her parents were anywhere to be seen. That was just as well. Her father, she knew, was gone and probably would be for a few days.

She didn't want to think about it. It was better to not think about it. The sooner she forgot about it, the sooner she could go back to smiling and everything be normal.

She left.

Hagumi didn't realize she was hungry until she was on the bus and well on her way to Kokoro's place. And even then, it wasn't that she wanted to eat so much as she wanted the growling in her stomach to stop. Well, it couldn't be helped. There was no food on the bus and she didn't want to bother Kokoro with any requests, either. She'd just have to wait until later that day. It was just as well.

She looked out the window and saw mountains and clouds and trees. They unsettled her, somehow. She was separated from them only by the plastic window. That made her feel oddly and she didn't know why. She decided not to think about it. _Smile_, she told herself. _Smile!_ She smiled. At nothing in particular, but it was a small victory nonetheless.

The bus rolled onward, undeterred.

At the stop, Hagumi got on her bike and pedaled down the familiar path that took her to Kokoro's house. She didn't pay attention to her surroundings and just focused on the ground. Soon enough, she arrived at her destination. She parked her bike where she usually did and went inside to their usual meeting place.

Everyone else was already there, standing around the table, where a tank had been set up and the fish was swimming around, taking in its new surroundings. The tank itself wasn't actually that much larger than the bowl had been, and Hagumi couldn't help but wonder if that was strange or not. However, it came with a light and a filter and what looked like a little decoration that was making bubbles. All those things would make a fish happy, right? It was so much better than a plain bowl, after all.

She approached the table. "Hey," she said. It probably didn't come out sounding very energetic, she thought. She reminded herself to smile, and she managed one.

The others turned to face her. Kokoro's eyes were sparkling, enough so that it briefly caught Hagumi off guard. "Hagumi!" she announced. "We've been waiting just for you!"

"Y... you have?" Hagumi asked.

"Of course! The fun never starts until you arrive!"

"Oh... but... you already have the tank set up and..."

"Well, you didn't answer the text I sent you, so I wasn't sure if you were coming," said Kokoro. "We decided we didn't want Hello Happy Fish to have to wait too long for its new tank, so we went ahead and set it up. But that's okay! Now that you're here, we can all start truly smiling!" She grinned.

"...it's called Hello Happy Fish?" Hagumi asked.

"That's what I'm calling it for now, until Michelle can ask for its real name later," Kokoro replied. "But anyway! I'm so glad you came!"

"...why?" Hagumi asked. She didn't realize that it was probably kind of a weird question until after she asked it. Whoops.

Kaoru was the one who replied. "Hagumi, my little kitten. We are always glad to see you and have you with us. We are not truly a band without all of us here."

"It's true." Kanon smiled at her. "We were all hoping you would come."

Something about how genuine her friends sounded made Hagumi feel a little bit better. Yeah... yeah, maybe they were right. Maybe they _would_ only feel like a true group of friends when they were all together. Maybe it _would_ all be okay.

Yeah! Her parents didn't matter!

"Y... you're right!" she said with a resolved and determined tone. "I don't need them!"

"Who?" Kokoro asked.

Oh, oops. "Um... nothing, sorry!" said Hagumi. "But you're all the best friends that I've ever had, and I'm glad to be here!" she was feeling better already. "So, what are we going to do today?"

"Well, Kanon and I were going to do some homework together at the library," Misaki said.

"And, alas, I have a theater production to prepare for," said Kaoru. "Although I am so glad I was invited to this auspicious occasion!"

"Hagumi!" said Kokoro brightly. "We should do our homework together, too!"

"Okay!" said Hagumi. Then she remembered that her homework was all at home, and she didn't really want to go back home at the moment. Not yet, anyway. Thanks to her friends, she was feeling better than she had been earlier, but still... "Actually... is it okay if we do something else? I'll do my homework by myself later."

"Of course!" said Kokoro. "In fact, I know just the thing we can do together!"

"You do? What is it?"

"It's a surprise," said Kokoro. There was a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "But come on! I'll show you."

A few moments later, the Suits were driving Kokoro and Hagumi... somewhere. Hagumi didn't know where. She had never been in such a fancy car before, and she felt a little out of place. Kokoro was sitting next to her, bouncing with excitement. "You're going to love where we're going, Hagumi!"

"Have I ever been there before?" Hagumi asked.

"I don't think so," said Kokoro. "It's one of my favorite places to go, but I've never been there with a friend before!"

Hagumi was quiet for a moment. Then she asked, "How come you're taking me all of a sudden?" It felt strange to her that she was being singled out for this special event.

"You really looked like you needed some extra smiles, Hagumi! That's why."

Hagumi didn't think she could deny that. "Thank you, Kokoron!" she said genuinely. "You're the best, most important friend I've ever had!" that part possibly came out to quickly, she realized after saying it, but oh well. It was the truth.

"You're such an important friend to me too, Hagumi!" Kokoro replied.

Hagumi blushed. She couldn't help it. She couldn't imagine someone as blindingly bright as Kokoro ever seeing her as an important friend. But there she was, saying it!

The day had started out so badly, but maybe... well, if Kokoro could make everything shine so bright and make everyone smile, maybe things wouldn't be so bad if she just stayed close to her.

Finally the car arrived at their destination: a bakery. A very large, very important looking one. It certainly looked to Hagumi like it was the type of bakery that made cakes only for very important people and very important events, and Hagumi couldn't help but feel intimidated by it. "Are we really going to go in there?" she asked.

"Of course we are! Come on!" Kokoro took Hagumi's hand and led her inside.

Hagumi's initial thoughts were confirmed upon seeing the inside of the immense bakery. It wasn't the type of bakery most people would probably sit down and eat at - it was the type of bakery that made things for important people. But the bakers inside all seemed to know Kokoro and greeted her with smiles. "Miss Tsurumaki! Hello!" said someone who appeared to be the head baker.

"Hello~!" Kokoro said in a sing-songy voice. Then, speaking even louder than usual, she said, "Everyone! I want you to meet my very important and special friend, Hagumi Kitazawa!"

"Nice to meet you, Miss Kitazawa!" came a chorus of voices from all over the immense bakery. Hagumi found herself blushing again. Surely she wasn't important enough for this. But still, it was best to be polite, right? "N... nice to meet you!" she replied, and bowed.

"Hagumi needs some smiles," said Kokoro to the head baker. "So if you could make the most amazing, most wonderful cake ever for us, that would be great!"

"Of course," said the baker, and he smiled. "One Extra Special Cake coming right up!"

Hagumi marveled at the way everyone seemed to love Kokoro and how everywhere she went, people smiled at her. What a rare and wonderful talent. It made her wonder, briefly, if Kokoro could even make her parents smile. Should she tell her about...?

No... no, she wouldn't bother her with that. But maybe, if she could just watch her and learn from her...

So while the bakers worked, the two girls sat at a nearby table and Hagumi watched Kokoro. She was so bright and vibrant all the time... she almost seemed to shimmer with some sort of inherent energy. Was it something that was just... built in to her? Maybe no one else could do what Kokoro could do.

Kokoro noticed that Hagumi was looking at her and turned to face her. Hagumi looked away quickly. "Sorry, Kokoron! I didn't mean to stare."

"It's okay! Did you want to talk about it?"

She was more perceptive than Hagumi would have thought for someone so focused on physical things like smiling and cute costumes. Maybe she could just ask her for some advice. Yeah, that would work. She wouldn't ask her to make her parents smile, but she could ask how to do it. "Yeah... I had a question, actually!" she said.

"Okay!" Kokoro put her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands. She looked especially charming and bright then, and Hagumi got the comforting sense that she really did want to help.

"Well," said Hagumi, "Really I just want to know how you make everyone smile. You're so good at it, Kokoron!"

"That's a great question! I think that one of the really important things to be happy yourself, first! It's very difficult to make other people happy when you're not. You also have to really care about the other person. I try to make friends with everyone I meet, but there are so many people in the world that sometimes I can't do that. So in that case, I try to think about how the other person feels! When you really care about someone and focus on what they're feeling, it's easy to want to do your best to make them happy." Kokoro tilted her head. "Does that help?"

"Yeah, I think so," said Hagumi. What Kokoro said made a lot of sense, but she was still worried that it wouldn't work. She already cared about her parents, right? "Have you ever had a really hard time making someone happy?" she asked. "What do you do in that case?"

"Well, it was like your one friend in the hospital. We had to keep trying! But... it's true." She let out a small sigh. Kokoro rarely looked sad or concerned, and the closest she usually came to it was wistful, which is what she appeared to be now. "I wish it was easier to make everyone happy. I think that's what I really want to be when I grow up. I want to travel around the world and do my best to make everyone smile, no matter what. I'll never give up on anyone, because everyone deserves a chance to smile!"

The way Kokoro described it made it sound positively amazing. It would be just like having the band, but on an even greater scale. Going to so many new places, meeting so many new people...

...not having to worry about what was happening at home...

"I want to do that too!" Hagumi exclaimed suddenly.

"Really?" Kokoro's eyes somehow got even brighter. "We should do it together!"

"Yeah! We should... wait, what? Together?" She had definitely not been expecting that response.

"Of course!" Kokoro replied. She leaned forward so her face was close to Hagumi's. "I would love to travel around the world with the whole band, but... I don't know if they'll be able to do that forever, you know? I know we'll always be friends, but I think that Kaoru and Kanon might want to do other things when they grow up. And Michelle probably has important bear things to do! So they might not always be available. But I don't want to do it alone, either. I want at least one person with me to help me make everyone smile, and I bet you would be perfect for it!"

To think that Kokoro would choose her to do such a wonderful thing! It was difficult to believe, and even more difficult to turn down. "Okay!" she said. "I want to do it!" She would travel the world with Kokoro and make everyone smile - maybe even her parents.

"Miss Tsurumaki! Miss Kitazawa!" A man in an expensive suit approached and put their cake as well as two plates and some silverware on their table. The cake was extravagant - white frosting covered with an explosion of multicolored flowers, and layered as a rainbow when cut into. They ate it together, and Hagumi felt like everything was going to be alright.

When she returned home that evening, her mom was making dinner. She didn't see her dad or his coat anywhere, so Hagumi assumed he had left, as he did sometimes, and would be gone for a few days. She started to head upstairs, but then her mom called out to her. "Hagumi?"

Hagumi stopped and looked over at her mother. She put down her cooking utensils and was quiet for a moment before she finally said "I... I don't know if your dad is coming back this time."


	3. Chapter 3

_The best offense is a good defense._

Hagumi had heard that somewhere, once. She wasn't sure from who. Kaoru, maybe. And she hadn't understood quite what that meant until she decided to shut herself in her room and not come out. Now she think she knew what it meant, but more importantly, it gave her something to fixate on instead of... The Other Possibility.

She didn't sleep that night, and she didn't go to school the next day. Her mother knocked on her door multiple times before finally giving up, and since then Hagumi had been hiding in bed under the covers. Her phone kept buzzing, but she didn't look at it. She kept thinking about the phrase _the best offense is a good defense_. She could stay in here forever. Then she wouldn't have to go out and think about other things.

Her stomach growled. Maybe she could sneak downstairs and get something to eat and then come back up here. She'd been hungry for a little while already and simply hadn't felt like eating, but now it was starting to gnaw at her.

Thinking about the kitchen reminded her of what had happened the previous evening. Hagumi's mother had explained to her that their fight had been bigger than usual and her dad had threatened separation. And Hagumi had run upstairs and hid, and had been hiding ever since. Maybe that made her a coward. She didn't care. _The best offense is a good defense_.

...or, was it _the best defense is a good offense_?

These big complicated Kaoru phrases were confusing.

Her stomach growled at her again. Hagumi didn't want to think about it. She curled up with the blankets wrapped tightly around her. She thought about the words her mother had told her. _Separation._

Why? Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn't she make everyone smile like Kokoro could? She couldn't even make _herself_ smile at this point.

She felt tears forming at the corners of her eyes so she pushed her face into her pillow. Defense... defense...

Darkness...

...

She was at the bakery that she and Kokoro had been at earlier, but it was empty. Hagumi was the only one there. There were cakes on display on the tables and counters. Hagumi went and looked at all of them, one at a time. They were pretty and came in a variety of styles and colors. One of them had a knife next to it, and Hagumi cut into it, but the inside was all empty and the cake collapsed into dust around her.

...alright, it was time to leave. Where was Kokoro? She had to be here somewhere, right?

"Kokoron!" she called out. "Kokoron!!" But there was no answer. Maybe she was outside.

Hagumi went to the door and pushed, but it was stuck. She tried pulling, in case she had it wrong, but that was no use either. So she went back to pushing, but it was to no avail. The door was glass and she saw Kokoro outside. "Kokoron!!" she yelled.

But Kokoro couldn't hear her. She wasn't even looking at her.

Hagumi banged on the door over and over again, although the noise it made was muffled. There was no way Kokoro would be able to hear her like this! What was going on?

Bits and pieces of understanding began to float towards her now. Right, it was one of those dreams, wasn't it? And that meant...

She turned around and saw her parents. Her father was leaving through a back door.

Hagumi lunged -

Something clattered to the floor. The dream melted away and Hagumi was on the edge of her bed, wrapped up in blankets. Her phone was on the floor, face up. It was buzzing.

She hadn't wanted to look at her phone earlier, but for some reason, now she did. Probably because she could see all the messages piling up on the screen and she was curious to know what they said. She still felt miserable and hungry and dirty, since she hadn't showered or bathed since the previous day, but she managed to sort of flop out of bed and pick the phone off the ground.

She had at least one message from every other member of Hello Happy World, as well as a few messages from some other classmates. Kokoro was the one currently sending message after message and making her phone buzz so much. Without really thinking, Hagumi swiped her phone screen and opened the messages.

The texts from Kokoro asked her where she was, if she had slept in, if she had forgotten about school, if she was feeling okay, where she was (again), if she had a cold, and if she needed any help smiling. Then the texts switched to talking about how Kokoro wanted to ask Michelle to talk to the fish, but she also didn't want to do that until Hagumi was feeling better. Despite everything, that bit made Hagumi feel warm and needed inside. At least she could depend on _someone_ to try to make her happy.

With the latest messages, Kokoro was asking if she could come over. And, oddly, Hagumi couldn't decide if she wanted her to or not. She sort of didn't really want to see anyone, ever again, no matter who they were.

But on the other hand... Kokoro. Hagumi really liked being with Kokoro. The way she smiled and talked were so reassuring and bright...

Hagumi's stomach growled again. Maybe she wouldn't answer the text just yet. Maybe she'd get some food and think about it.

She opened the door to her bedroom just a crack and listened. She didn't hear anyone, which was good, because she really didn't want to see anyone. She then went downstairs, found a croquette, and brought it back upstairs and nibbled on it. She was still trying to decide what to say to Kokoro when she heard something coming from the direction of her window, which was still open. It was difficult to pin down what _type_ of sound it was, exactly, but it seemed like a thumping or scuffling, almost. Was it a bird? She decided to take a look. She put down the now half-eaten croquette and went to the window. She looked down.

Kokoro was climbing a ladder up to her window.

This was all too much incredibly bizarre information at once, and for a moment Hagumi just sort of blanked everything out. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. So she opened her mouth again. "K... Kokoron??"

Kokoro looked up at her and grinned. "Hi, Hagumi!! You weren't answering my messages so I decided to come check on you!"

"But..."

"Don't worry! I have a helmet and everything!" It was true, she was wearing a bright pink helmet. 

"But... you're... you've got... a ladder!" For some reason, that was all Hagumi could manage to spit out at the moment.

"Yeah! Well, I thought it would make you smile if I came in this way instead of through the front door." She was at Hagumi's window now, smiling from ear to ear at her. "So? Are you smiling yet?"

Her eyes were so bright and so genuine that Hagumi couldn't help it. She smiled. A little.

"I knew it!" Kokoro exclaimed. She was sort of leaning halfway into the window now, so Hagumi reached out and helped pull her in. Well, she sort of half-pulled and Kokoro half-fell to the floor. Hagumi looked out the window to make sure nothing else incredibly uncanny was about to happen, but she just saw the Suits watching from a distance.

"So! Hagumi!" Kokoro put her hands on her hips and turned to face Hagumi. "You weren't at school today, and we were all very worried about you! We thought you might be sick. Are you sick? You look kind of sick." Her face was now as concerned as it was bright and warm. It was impressive how she could pull that off, Hagumi thought. "Do you have a cold?" Kokoro continued. "Have you been sneezing or coughing or anything? If you have, that definitely sounds like a cold. Do you have lots of tissues? And a mask? Do you need me to get those for you?"

"No... I'm not sick," said Hagumi. She sat down on the floor against her bed.

Kokoro sat down on the floor across from her, her legs criss-crossed. "But are you sad?"

"...yeah," Hagumi said.

"How come?"

Hagumi didn't know how much she wanted to tell her, exactly. This all seemed to be such a personal problem, and not only that, but just thinking about it was bad enough. Talking about it to someone? The thought seemed almost impossible.

But then again... Kokoro had come all this way just to see her, hadn't she? It would be polite to tell her what was going on, and more than that - Hagumi thought she could trust her. Kokoro wanted so badly to be everyone's friend and understand them so she could help them to smile. Maybe Hagumi should let her be a closer friend to her, too.

Maybe she should stop bottling things up like this.

She might regret it, but...

She took a breath. "I think I've talked a couple of times before about how my parents argue a lot, and sometimes my dad leaves for a long time. Well... this time... my mom doesn't know if he's coming back." Hagumi pulled her knees up close to her and wrapped her arms around them. She felt tears coming on, and did her best to sniff them back.

Kokoro didn't say anything for a moment, and Hagumi wondered if she even really understood. But then, finally, Kokoro said. "That sounds awful! No wonder you're sad! I don't know if I would want to smile if something like that happened to me."

Hagumi looked up at her. Kokoro was actually, for once, not smiling. Her eyebrows were pursed and she looked almost puzzled. "I didn't know you were having such a rough time, Hagumi!" Kokoro continued. "I feel kind of bad about that, you know. I should have been a better friend!"

"What? No, no it's okay!" Hagumi immediately retorted. "This all just happened last night. I hadn't told anyone about it yet. So you couldn't have known anyway."

"Maybe, but I should have known about you and your family enough to figure it out. Anyway, I'm here now. And I don't know if I can make you smile, but you know, it's still okay to be sad sometimes! The important thing is that you're not sad forever."

"I wish none of this was happening though," said Hagumi. She truly appreciated that Kokoro was here with her, and she was already feeling a little better about things because of it, but she also knew she couldn't hide from reality. Why did any of this even have to happen to begin with? Why did her family have to be like this?

"Yeah..." said Kokoro. "I wish I could fix it, but I don't know if I can." She had that confused look on her face again. It was always so strange when she wasn't smiling. Kokoro was always running around trying to make everyone else smile... but who made Kokoro smile, Hagumi wondered? Her thoughts were promptly interrupted by Kokoro, though. "Well! Even if I can't fix it, I can maybe help make you a little bit happier! You should come over to my place when you're feeling a little better. We're going to get Michelle to ask the fish what his name is! Michelle makes everyone smile!"

Hagumi _did_ like Michelle. And she _did_ like the idea of getting out of the house and spending some time with the others. But at the same time... it almost felt too much like pretending to be normal when nothing was normal. So finally she said "Kokoron... I don't know... I really appreciate it, but..."

"That's okay! I understand!" Kokoro stood up. "I'll come back later, okay?" she headed towards the window.

"Wait... you can use the front door, you know," said Hagumi.

"Not as fun!" Kokoro replied without missing a beat. "And definitely not as likely to make people smile!" Kokoro was out the window now and climbing down the ladder again. "Just text me if you need anything, okay?" She grinned again, and then she was gone.

Hagumi didn't go out for the rest of the day. She finished her croquette and ate another one, and she flitted in and out of naps. When she woke up after one of these naps, it was dark, and she felt disoriented. She vaguely remembered Kokoro coming to visit through her window, and she couldn't quite remember if that had been real or a dream.

She fell back asleep again. This time, she actually did dream about Kokoro. She dreamed that Kokoro was outside her window, but it was shut and she couldn't get it open, so Kokoro left. When Hagumi woke up from that dream it was still dark and she felt more disoriented than ever. She had no idea what time it was or what day it was. She had an itch in the back of her brain telling her that something was wrong, but she couldn't quite remember what. Then she _did_ remember and she wished that she hadn't. Her father was still gone, wasn't he? And he wasn't coming back, was he?

She burrowed further in her blankets. She had always told people that she had a good family and a good life. Sure, there were some problems, but didn't _every_ family have problems? She truly believed that she had a good family and a good life. Was she wrong? Had she been wrong this whole time?

She tossed and turned and eventually fell asleep again.

She woke to her mother knocking on the door and asking if she was going to go to school. It seemed to be a very sudden question that had come from nowhere, and by the time Hagumi even parsed the words together and figured out what they meant, her mother had already left.

So no school again, then. That was fine. She didn't want to go and have to try to talk to people and pretend that things were normal.

She fell back asleep again.

The next time she woke up it was because her phone was buzzing next to her head.

It took her a minute to fully wake up, and once she did, the phone had stopped buzzing. But she reached out for it anyway. It was from Misaki. "Kokoro says you're not doing well. Are you sick?"

Hagumi assumed that since Misaki was asking this question, Kokoro hadn't told the others the exact details of her situation. She was glad for that. She didn't think she wanted to have to talk about this to more people than she had to. Not right now, anyway. She was glad there were people reaching out to her, though. She thought it would probably be polite to reply as soon as she could, so she did. "I'm not doing well, but I'll be back tomorrow. Thanks, Misaki-chan!" was her reply. She thought it was a good reply. It said just enough without putting in unnecessary details. It did mean she would have to go to school the next day, but she'd cross that bridge when she got to it.

No sooner had she sent the text when she got another one - this one from Kokoro. "Hi, Hagumi!!!!" it began, followed by every single possible heart emoji on the keyboard. "Do you need me to come over again today?"

It was kind of tempting. Hagumi still didn't think she was up to doing a lot of talking, but Kokoro was turning out to be a good person to talk to. She thought about Kokoro and how she came in through the window the previous day. She... _had_ done that, right? It hadn't been a dream?

She liked the thought of continuing to hide away here while Kokoro came and went, but then Hagumi remembered that she'd told Misaki that she would be back at school tomorrow. She couldn't hide forever, as much as she wanted to. Maybe... maybe she could be the one to go see Kokoro, this time. That would be good practice for leaving the house again, she thought.

So she texted back. "I'll come visit you at your house after school. Is that okay?"

The reply was almost immediate. "Yes!!!!!!!" Dozens of heart emojis. Then, just a few seconds later, "I have something I want to talk to you about, too!!!!!" Followed by more heart emojis.

"Ok! See you then, Kokoron!" Hagumi replied. She added some heart emojis, too. Just to try to cheer herself up a little. And somehow, they just looked right.


	4. Chapter 4

Getting herself dressed and cleaned might have actually been the hardest part of everything so far. Hagumi really wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and keep sleeping, which was turning out to be the best way to keep her mind off of... the Incident. But that since was no longer really an option, she decided to focus on thinking about Kokoro. She'd said she had something she wanted to show Hagumi. What, she wondered? Did it have to do with Michelle talking to the fish?

Well, she'd find out soon enough, she supposed.

Once she was all clean she got on her bike and headed out on the usual route. Bike to the bus stop. Bus ride to out of town. Bike to Kokoro's place. She wasn't paying attention to her surroundings like she usually did. It seemed to her that everything was different now, somehow, and she still wasn't quite sure how to process that.

When she arrived at Kokoro's place, she was a little surprised to find out that she and Kokoro were the only ones there. Well, and the fish, who was still sitting in his little tank on the table. "Hagumi!!" Kokoro ran up to her and gave her a big hug. "I'm so glad you could make it! We were all missing you today at school, you know!"

"Sorry, Kokoron," said Hagumi genuinely. "I told Mii-kun that I would be back at school tomorrow." Kokoro's hug was warm and nice.

"Oh, good!" Kokoro pulled away from her. "I canceled practice so it will just be us today. Well, and Hello Happy Fish, of course!" She looked over at the fish. Hagumi did too. Somehow, even though the fish had everything it needed, it seemed listless, somehow. "Anyway!" Kokoro continued. "I wanted to show you something! Did you want to see it?"

"Yeah, of course!" said Hagumi. Her life may have been a bit of a mess at the moment, but Kokoro's excitement had piqued her curiosity.

"Okay! Follow me!" Kokoro reached out and took Hagumi's hand and led her to the other side of the large room they were in. Hagumi noticed that she wasn't quite... _following_ Kokoro so much as she was letting Kokoro lead her somewhere, but she decided that she was okay with that. She wasn't in much of a mood or mental state to figure out where to go on her own at the moment, anyway.

Kokoro stopped them in front of a huge piece of paper, the size of a banner, taped to the wall. Scribbled on it were a variety of words and pictures - well, mostly pictures, really - and Hagumi could decipher exactly none of it. "What is it?" she asked after a minute.

"It's what I want our next show to be! I want it to be like a parade. Maybe we can even have it be a real parade!" Kokoro was beaming. "Anyway, I wanted to show you first because I know you're having a rough time, and I thought maybe it would make you smile!"

"It... definitely looks very exciting!" Hagumi said. She still didn't quite know what was going on with most of the image, but there were a lot of colors involved and that could never be a bad thing. She did notice one sketch of something very large and very round, with two small figures underneath. "What's that one?" she asked.

"I was hoping you would ask!" Kokoro exclaimed. "That is a hot air balloon! Have you ever been in one?"

Hagumi shook her head. "No, but I always thought they looked pretty fun."

"They are!" Kokoro replied. "I rode one once, and I _loved_ it! I thought we could have one for the show. It would be an outdoor show and we could have someone ride in on the balloon. At first, I thought maybe Michelle could, but then I started to wonder... are bears afraid of heights? I'm not sure how much she liked it when I had her fly that one time. I suppose we'll have to ask her. So then I thought, me and Hagumi could ride in it together!" Her smile widened and her eyes were golden and sparkling. "I know it won't fix everything, but maybe it would cheer you up just a little bit!"

Hagumi found herself stunned almost speechless by this very special invitation from her friend. "Really, Kokoron?" she asked. "I'll be able to ride in it?"

"Yeah! I know you're going to love it!" Kokoro looked back at the drawing. "Oh, and another thing! Since we're going to be the ones riding in it, I thought you could help me decide what colors and patterns it will be!"

"Really?" This was getting more and more exciting, and Hagumi actually found herself forgetting about the whole thing with her parents that had happened earlier.

"Here... I have an idea!" Kokoro walked over to a side of the paper that was (mostly) blank, took a pen, and drew a huge balloon. This one was much bigger than the original concept for it - in fact, by the time she was done, the drawing of it was almost as big as herself. "There!" she said as she stood back to inspect her work. "Let's color it together. We've got some paint over here..." she leaned down and picked up a box full of paint and brushes. "Want to?"

"Yes!" And for the first time since the previous day, Hagumi found herself really, truly smiling.

All told, they spent about an hour on the picture. They weren't completely happy with their first attempt, but Kokoro put up another giant piece of paper on top of the first and drew another balloon and they had another go at it. This time, they were both happy with the results. They gave it a floral pattern, just like the new outfits that Kokoro had showed them a few days ago, and used all the same colors. "Can we really make the balloon look just like this, Kokoron?" Hagumi asked.

"Of course!" Kokoro replied. Her golden eyes were twinkling. "We can do whatever will make you happy - because that's sure to make everyone else happy, too!"

Hagumi felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

She stayed with Kokoro for a little while and then headed home. When she opened the door and let herself in, she saw her father's coat.

Then she saw both her parents in the living room. Her brother was there too.

"Hagumi," said her mother. "We've been waiting for you. We wanted to talk about something."

"You... you did?" Hagumi asked. She sat down on the couch.

"Yes," said her father. "We want to talk about it together. As a family."

Hagumi felt her insides clench. She didn't like the sound of wherever any of this was going. Hadn't her mother told her that her father wasn't coming back? But here he was, acting as though everything was normal. They both were. She didn't like it.

Hagumi's mother spoke up this time. "We decided we're going to give it another chance, but if it doesn't work out, then we are going to look into separating."

"O... oh," said Hagumi. She knew she'd had a bad feeling about it all. Somehow, though, she mostly felt numb. Perhaps it was because she'd already spent the last couple of days thinking it had already happened. This was just confirmation, more than anything.

She looked over at her brother. He looked down at this hands, but didn't say anything. Maybe he had seen it coming, too.

Hagumi looked back over at her parents. She sort of felt like she needed to say something, although she wasn't sure what. "Why... can't... you just try... not fighting?" she asked finally. After it came out of her mouth, she thought that maybe it was a silly question. But it was a genuine one, too. It seemed like a reasonable enough request, didn't it? Surely if you truly loved someone, you could... not spend all your time arguing with them, right?

Her father shook his head. "It doesn't work like that," he said.

"Why not?"

"Hagumi," said her mother. "It's very complicated."

"How can it be complicated?" She felt her voice rising a little even though she hadn't intended it to.

"You'll understand when you're older," her mother replied.

"I..." that was truly a horrifying thought. Was she doomed to this, then? Fighting and arguing with the people she loved?

She hated this. She hated all of this, and she didn't think she could take it anymore. She ran upstairs to her room and shut the door and threw herself on the bed. She felt utterly defeated and lost.

Hagumi was half-expecting her parents to come after her, but everything was quiet and still, so apparently they were just going to let her be. She laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling. She was somewhere between crying and being all out of tears, but she sniffled a few out anyway. She tilted her head and looked over at the window. It was open. She remembered Kokoro coming in through it, and wondered if maybe she could sneak away through it.

No, that wasn't fair. Her parents were trying to do what was best for her...

...right?

She went to school the next day. She didn't really _want_ to, but she had promised Misaki that she would. Also, she didn't want to get in any trouble with her parents or teacher. She actually felt miserable, although she pretended not to.

The others saw right through her at lunch, of course.

"Hagumi-chan... are you sure you're okay?" Kanon asked. She had her hands clasped together and looked very concerned. "You... don't look well."

"Oh... well... that's just because I didn't sleep very well!" Hagumi replied. She tried to say it as brightly as she could. And it was the truth, anyway. Her sleep the previous night had been incredibly pitiful. "But... don't worry! I'm still smiling!" She did her best to force one. She thought she'd gotten pretty good at doing that over the course of the past year or so.

Misaki was doubtful. "You know that if anything is going on, you can talk to us about it, right?"

"I know!" Hagumi replied. It was the truth. She just didn't know if she really _wanted _to talk about it. Especially since she was trying so hard to smile. "I really appreciate it, you know!" she added, just to make sure they knew.

"Hmm," said Misaki. She was quiet for a minute and then said, "Hey, do you want to go to Kokoro's place after school today? I'm going to tell Michelle to come."

Kokoro had been talking to another classmate nearby, but upon hearing Michelle's name she nearly leaped forward atop of Misaki. "Really? That's great! I've been wanting to have her talk to Hello Happy Fish and find out his real name!"

"Y... yeah, exactly," said Misaki. "Anyway, Hagumi. You'll be there, right?"

The thought of seeing Michelle was somehow comforting and familiar. "Yeah, of course!" she replied.

Kokoro jumped on top of Hagumi now. "Yaaaay! Hagumi is back with us and we're all going to be together with Michelle later today!"

At least it was a chance to stay out of her own house, Hagumi thought.

So after school, everyone gathered at Kokoro's place. Well, Misaki didn't, but Michelle did. Deep inside, somewhere, Hagumi knew that Misaki was Michelle, but... today, she didn't want to believe that. So she didn't.

Michelle approached the fish, who was still on the table in its little tank. Hagumi still thought that something seemed off about the fish, but she wasn't quite sure what. She didn't know much about fish, after all.

"Ah! Hello, fish friend!" Michelle said to it. She held up a big pink paw and waved. "We were all wondering if perhaps you could tell us what your name is!" Michelle then leaned close to the tank and listened intently while the fish sat there. "Ah-ha!" Michelle said after a moment. "Happy-kun, is it? Thank you so much for telling us!"

"Happy-kun!!" Kokoro almost exploded with energy. "What a fantastic name!! Michelle, thank you so much for talking to Happy-kun for us!"

"Any time..." said Michelle, sounding suspiciously like Misaki that time.

"Ah!" Kaoru said. "Truly a name befitting such a noble creature. A fish spends its life carefree and happy, but only for a few years... oh... how truly fleeting..."

"Um," Kanon said. "So are we going to keep him here now, or..."

"It's up to you!" Kokoro said. "If you want to take him home with you now that we all know his name, that's fine! Or, he can stay here! I'll take very good care of him. He can be our mascot!"

"Well... I think I'll leave him here for now, then," said Kanon. "Anyway, I've been reading a little... and I think I want to get a better idea of how to take care of him. I don't think the tank he has now is big enough, but I want to keep reading and make sure."

"That's very smart of you, Kanon! I'm so glad we have you to come up with all these great ideas," said Kokoro.

"T... thank you, Kokoro-chan!" said Kanon.

"Okay!" said Kokoro. "Now that we have that order of business taken care of, I want to show all of you what I showed Hagumi the other day!"

So, Kokoro led them to the wall with all the papers hung from it. She talked about the parade show idea and the hot air balloon idea. "Oh, Michelle, while you're here!" Kokoro said once she got to the part with the balloon. "Do you like hot air balloons? Would you like to ride in one and then maybe jump from there onto a parade float?"

"Ummm..."

"If you don't want to, that's fine! Me and Hagumi will do it!"

"Uh... yeah, I think that's a better idea."

"Alrighty!"

The talk went on for a little while after that, before it was decided that they would call it a day. They all had homework, after all, and they rarely practiced on school nights. But before they dispersed, Michelle turned towards Hagumi and lowered her voice a bit. "Hagumi... did you want to talk?"

Talk? To Michelle? "Really?" Hagumi asked.

"Yeah, I mean... just the two of us." She raised her voice just a little bit so she sounded more Michelle-like again. "It's been a while since we've talked together, you and I, after all!"

Kokoro overheard that. "Ooh! What are you going to talk about?" she asked.

"Oh... not much... you know..." said Michelle. She faltered a bit. "I just wanted to talk to her... you know... one-on-one! We can all take turns if you want. I mean. Not tonight, but..."

"Great idea!" said Kokoro. "We should all take turns getting to talk to Michelle and learn from her. I bet she has a lot to say about making people smile, being a magic bear and all!"

"Yeah... something like that," said Michelle. "Anyway..."

"Got it!" said Kokoro. "The rest of us will call it a night. I hope we see you again soon, Michelle!"

So they all left, and Michelle and Hagumi were alone.

"So, Hagumi," said Michelle. "You don't look like you're doing very well lately. We've all been worried about you. Kokoro told us that you were 'Extra Sad', but she didn't say much else about it. Anyway, if you don't want to talk about it, then that's fine. We all understand. But if we can help, then we'd love to help. Okay?"

All the nice words coming from Michelle were almost too much, and Hagumi felt the tears of several different emotions welling up in her eyes. "Michelle," she said. "You're too nice. You and Kokoron and Kaoru-kun and Kanon-chan-senpai and Mii-kun..."

"Well... we try," said Michelle.

Hagumi decided to tell the truth. In that moment she really, truly believed that Michelle was a magical bear from a magical world. If anyone could help, maybe she could. "Michelle... it's terrible. My parents had a really bad fight a few days ago. My dad left, and my mom wasn't sure if he was coming back or not. Well, he did come back, but now they're saying that this is the last time they're going to try it and they might separate. But... but I don't want them to!" Before she really knew what she was doing, Hagumi threw her arms around Michelle and squeezed her tight. "I asked them why they have to keep fighting. Why can't they just stop? I don't think it would be that hard to stop. But they just said that I didn't understand..." Now she was really crying into Michelle's soft pink fur. "But that's horrible, isn't it? That when you become an adult, you have to fight all the time... if that's the case, then I don't want to be an adult!" She paused and let out another sob, and then said, "Michelle, it's not like that where you come from, is it? I don't want it to be like that everywhere."

"I..." Michelle let out what sounded like a ragged held breath. "I'm... so sorry, Hagumi. I didn't know it was that bad."

"Well... I hadn't told you after all," Hagumi pointed out. She was still holding Michelle tightly. "But... I just don't think it's right."

"No, it's not right," Michelle said.

"It's not like that where you come from, right?" Hagumi asked.

"Absolutely not," said Michelle firmly. "We all love each other very much where I come from. And a lot of other places are like that, too. I don't think your parents are being fair to you."

Hagumi sighed and gently pulled herself away from Michelle. Was that true? Her parents had made it sound like such an inevitability. Could they be wrong? And... did that mean they were wrong in other ways, as well? This whole time she thought that she'd had a pretty good life, but maybe... "What should I do?" she asked.

"I think you should spend as much time away from home as possible," said Michelle. She sounded very determined. "You can study and do homework with us or at the library. You can stay over at friends' houses when you should. And in a couple of years, when you're grown up, you should leave as soon as you can."

That was a lot of information all at once, and it sounded almost frightening. Her room had always been a sanctuary that she could hide in. It had her bed and her music and headphones. The thought of spending less time there and eventually leaving entirely made Hagumi a little nervous. But on the other hand, if Michelle thought it was a good idea... "Really?" Hagumi asked. "Because I don't know... it just seems so..." She wasn't really sure how to put her thoughts into words. It was true that she had sometimes daydreamed about leaving, but the thought of actually doing it seemed so daunting. "It seems like a lot," she said finally.

"Well, it kind of is a lot," said Michelle. "But sometimes you have to do things like that to take care of yourself. Sometimes you've got to do some really hard things for your own good."

"Yeah..." Hagumi said. She still wasn't sure how she felt about the whole thing. It was all kind of stressful, wasn't it? But then again, Michelle had given her a lot think about. "Michelle... thank you!" she said. "I think I feel a little better now," she added, which was the truth. Talking to Michelle - and crying into her soft pink fur - had definitely helped.

"Good," said Michelle. "And you're welcome at my... um, at Misaki's house any time, you know!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! And I'm sure everyone else would welcome you too."

It was hard to believe, but Hagumi decided to try her best to do exactly that anyway. If anything, it would give her something to hold onto in the coming days. "Thank you," she said again. "All of you!"


	5. Chapter 5

It was the weekend and everyone was gathered at Kokoro's place to practice. Specifically, they were practicing in front of the gigantic pieces of paper that Kokoro still had attached to the wall. "They're for inspiration!!" she had told them enthusiastically.

Kaoru had been put in charge of coming up with a storyline for the new show. She did exactly that and arrived that day ready to tell her new story to the world. "Picture this, my little kittens," she said, and then paused for dramatic effect before continuing. "A pair of lovers arrive from the sky. They tell the world that they have come from a far away land to spread happiness and joy. But alas! They become separated from each other by the crowd, as the world is so much bigger than they expect. So they sing their song of happiness and joy in order to find each other, because they know that their voices will be able to reach each other. They find each other that way, and everyone rejoices! Then, they ascend back in the sky to where they came from. Ah... just relaying it to you all brings such joy to my soul. The story just sounds so... fleeting..."

Kokoro cheered. "Wow Kaoru!! That sounds so amazing!! I bet that story will make _everyone_ smile!" She paused for a second. "That makes me and Hagumi the lovers, right?"

"Wha... what?" Hagumi felt a little funny inside, and she couldn't quite tell if it was a bad funny or a good funny.

"Well, because we decided that we're going to be the two in the balloon, right?" Kokoro said this as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "So we'll be the ones descending from the sky and singing a song to each other! It all sounds so wonderful!"

"Ah! Truly a match made in heaven," said Kaoru.

"...really?" Hagumi asked. Now she was blushing. She looked over at Kokoro. Kokoro wasn't looking at her in specific, but somehow she seemed to be looking at everyone, at the same time. She had a knack for doing that. She was so, so bright and warm, like a big sunflower. And herself, Hagumi thought... was just...

Kanon broke into her thoughts. "It sounds really dramatic and exciting," she said. "And I bet everyone will love seeing the balloon."

"I bet so too!" said Kokoro. "I think the balloon is one of our best ideas yet!"

"So... what will the rest of us be doing?" Misaki asked. "Backup?"

"Yes," said Kokoro. "Kanon, Kaoru, and Michelle will all sing backup vocals. Misaki, if you could let Michelle know, that would be great!"

"Got it," said Misaki with a wry smile.

"Wait," said Hagumi. She'd been momentarily distracted by Kokoro's _brightness,_ but now realization was coming to the forefront. "Does that mean I have to be a lead singer?"

"Yeah! With me!" Kokoro was smiling at her. "We'll do it together! Doesn't that sound fun?"

Well. Fun or not, it certainly sounded like _something_, and Hagumi wasn't quite sure what. It seemed to be a very complicated and confusing mishmash of emotions. Singing as a lead singer? Alongside Kokoro? _Alongside_ Kokoro? Alongside _Kokoro?_

"Don't worry, Hagumi! I know you can do it. I wouldn't have picked you to do it if I didn't think you could. And we'll get lots and lots of practice in before we do the real show, too!"

"O... okay, Kokoron!" Hagumi said. If Kokoro had faith in her, and if there was going to be a lot of practice, then she thought maybe it _was_ something she could do. "I'm going to try my best!"

Misaki leaned close to Hagumi. "Psst. Hagumi. I'm going to try to make the song easy to learn. And let me know if you need any changes to it, okay?"

"Mii-kun..." She was so nice to her, really. Everyone was! Maybe the things Michelle had said had been true. Maybe everyone really would take good care of her. "Thank you so much!"

Since the new song wasn't ready yet, they practiced some of their older material and talked about choreography. Kaoru volunteered to help with this, and her theater experience was proving very useful indeed. She had Hagumi and Kokoro stand together and pretend that they were on the balloon. "The important thing about acting is to get inside the thoughts and hearts of your character," she told them. "Think about your motivation. In this case, you're both coming from a distant star to spread happiness to the earth. This means you'll want to be happy and smiling yourself. Also, since you're both lovers, you should be close to each other. Like... this." She gently posed the two of them so they were standing very close to each other and had their arms around each other. "There," said Kaoru. She stood back and admired her work. "We are almost ready! But now we'll add some acting. As the balloon descends upon the waiting populace below, you should wave at them. Let them know your intentions!"

"Ooh! Ooh! Let me try!" Kokoro raised a hand and waved it enthusiastically. "Hi everyone!!" she exclaimed to her invisible audience. "We're here to bring smiles to all of you!"

Hagumi was right up against Kokoro and could feel her wiggling around against her. It definitely made her feel... some sort of strange new emotion. She still wasn't sure exactly what, yet. But it definitely made her forget all the problems with her family, just for a bit, and for those few moments she felt like she could float away and do whatever she wanted. Then she remembered that she was supposed to be practicing her acting, too. So, with the arm that wasn't around Kokoro, she waved, too. She was a little more tentative than Kokoro had been. "Like this?" she asked.

"Ah!" said Kaoru suddenly. "You've just given me a brilliant idea, my beautiful Hagumi. There will be more drama to the story if there are differences in personality between the two main characters. So Kokoro should be the more outgoing one, and you will be a little more shy and unsure of yourself. I'm sure our talented Misaki can write the song like this, as well. Hagumi, you will be the one to get separated. Kokoro will call out to you and you'll be too quiet for her to hear at first, but then you will speak up and your voice will ring like a bell, loud and clear across the parade! Oh... it's so beautiful. Truly a story worth telling."

"That sounds fantastic!" said Kokoro. "I'm so glad we have you helping us tell these great stories, Kaoru!"

"It sounds lovely!" said Kanon. "Kokoro-chan, Hagumi-chan... I think you're both going to do an amazing job!"

Misaki seemed impressed, too. "I think I can work with this," she said.

"Alright, it's settled then!" Kokoro said. "Once Misaki has the music ready to go, we can start real practice! But until then..." She moved away from Hagumi. "...we'll practice some of our older songs! We need to stay in tip-top shape so we can make everyone smile!"

That night, Hagumi was at home in her room. She had been returning home every night despite Michelle's earlier suggestion that she think about staying someplace else. Had things been different, it might have been a suggestion she would have jumped on, but as things were... it felt final. She almost felt as though she had to prove to herself that everything was okay. Both of her parents had been home every night as well, and so far they hadn't gotten into any arguments. She wanted to believe that things had truly changed. That all the previous times they had fought had just been a bad dream that they could all now focus on moving past.

She wasn't quite sure if she _could_ believe that, though.

The _other_ thing on her mind, of course, was getting to do a duet with Kokoro. This wasn't something she had ever thought she would do in a million years! Everything about it was hard to believe. It seemed like it was all from a dream or fairy tale. She'd get to ride in on a big balloon and sing a musical number in a parade. Amazing! She would have to practice so much and get it just perfect...

She lay down on her bed and her thoughts drifted to Kokoro and standing by her side while Kaoru worked on the choreography. Something about that had been _especially_ magical. Maybe she just wasn't used to being so close to something so warm and bright. Thinking about it all made her feel tingly inside. Kokoro was a good friend, wasn't she? But so were the other members of Hello Happy World, and Hagumi didn't think that they quite made her feel the same. Kokoro's smile always made her feel like things were going to be okay.

She wished she had Kokoro right there to smile at her right then and assure her that the problem with her parents was going to work out.

She thought about Kokoro a lot, in fact, as she drifted off to sleep.

She had the dream about being in a locked room again.

"Everyone, I want to show you something!"

A week had passed, and, somehow, Hagumi's family was still together. Their "final try" was going well. In fact, if she didn't think about it, she could almost forget that it was even an issue.

But still, she preferred to be here in Kokoro's house during practice time. Kokoro was currently standing in front of all the others, her arms akimbo and her eyes twinkling. Behind her was a very large video screen, which was currently dark. "Well? Do you want to see it?"

"Yes!" Hagumi exclaimed. Truthfully, though, she probably would have said yes to any of Kokoro's suggestions.

"Okay!" Kokoro turned to the screen. "Three... two... one...!"

The screen lit up with a photograph of a hot air balloon... the very hot air balloon that they'd planned for their new event! It was all different colors, decorated with flowers that almost looked like fireworks. And it was real! It wasn't just a drawing, it was a real photo! Hagumi could hardly believe it.

"And that's not all" Kokoro said. "Watch... this!"

Instantly the photograph flipped to a second one. It was night time, and the entire balloon was lit up with twinkling lights that looked like stars. There were gasps from all around... not just Hagumi. None of them had been expecting this, because none of them had planned this in the design.

"Surprise!" said Kokoro. "The people making the balloon told me they could do this and asked if I wanted them to. And I said... yes, of course!"

"Oh... how perfect!" said Kaoru. "We can add that to the story. When the two lovers ascend back to their world at the end of the day, they will do so at night. The balloon will represent the stars that they're returning to. What a truly beautiful idea!"

"Hmm," said Misaki. "So we're thinking of doing an evening show, then? Right around sunset?"

"Whatever works!" said Kokoro brightly.

"I see," said Misaki. She looked just a tiny bit exasperated, but Kanon smiled at her and that seemed to give her a new wind. "So," she said then. "Do we know when the balloon will be ready by?"

"Next week!" said Kokoro.

"Okay, but do we have an exact date?"

"Nope!"

Misaki had that slightly exasperated look again. "Alright," she said. "I'll set the show for two weeks out, then. Just to be safe. I've found a spot where we can close the roads for a few hours and put on a show. It can't be a full parade, but we can do a mini one. Oh, and I've got some lyrics typed up and a basic melody so we can start practicing."

"You always work so hard for us, Misaki-chan," said Kanon appreciatively.

"Well, Kaoru-san helped me a bit with this one. But yeah." She pulled some sheets of paper out of her pocket and passed them around. Kokoro took one and scanned the lyrics while still standing in front of the photograph of the twinkling, starlit balloon. "Misaki! This is so perfect and wonderful!" she exclaimed after a minute. "It's going to fit our story perfectly!"

Hagumi took the paper and read the lyrics herself. They made her feel a way that she couldn't quite pin down. It wasn't a bad feeling, by any means, but it was almost wistful. As promised, she and Kokoro both had solo segments, although Hagumi's was fairly short and the chorus was sung by everyone together. She looked at it. Her solo consisted of four lines. She could do four lines without getting nervous, right? She'd had solo lines in songs before. This one shouldn't be any big deal. And yet, somehow, this show felt so... important. She wasn't sure why. No one had said there was anything particularly special about this one.

But she would get to ride in a balloon with Kokoro. Kokoro, who always made everyone smile.

That alone made it unique.

After practice, Kokoro nearly jumped on Hagumi before she could leave. "Hagumi! I want to show you something extra special!"

"Extra special?" That was intriguing, especially since she had no idea what she could possibly be talking about. Kokoro was sort of like a grab bag of prizes. You never quite knew what you were going to get but it was always guaranteed to be good.

"Yeah! Come on!" She took hold of Hagumi's hand and led her outside into one of the many huge lawns that enveloped Kokoro's house. She led her up to a large basket. And Hagumi wasn't sure, but she thought that it might be the kind of basket that was attached to a balloon.

"Is... that..." Hagumi began.

"Yep!!" Kokoro broke in. "It's a basket for a balloon. A Balloon Basket! It's not the same one that will be attached to ours, because they haven't finished making it yet. But I wanted to get one anyway so we could practice with it, and I wanted to show you first, because we'll be the ones riding in it! Look, it opens like this..." she opened a side door and walked inside. Hagumi followed. This all felt very magical, even though it was just an ordinary basket on the ground and not even attached to a balloon yet. Kokoro latched the door shut behind them. "Wow!" she said. "Even though we aren't in the air, I feel like we could be! Imagine what it must be like to actually be flying." She leaned out over the edge of the basket, and even though she was leaning out over some very green grass, she threw her arms out and waved as though she were far, far up in the sky and looking down at so many tiny people. "Hello~" she yelled in a sing-songy voice. Then she looked at Hagumi. "Hagumi! You should try it!"

"Oh... okay, Kokoron!" Aside from the fact that she'd do just about anything Kokoro asked her to do, it actually did look like fun. She leaned over the edge of the balloon and waved. "Everyone! Hello!" she grinned. She really could almost believe that they were waving to actual people.

"Hagumi! You're doing great!" Kokoro wrapped her arms around Hagumi and held her in a warm hug. At first this caught Hagumi off guard and she stiffened, but she quickly melted in Kokoro's warm embrace. How was she so soft?

"Anyway, I wanted to show you first, since we'll be the ones riding it." said Kokoro, pulling away. "Did you like it?"

"Yes!" said Hagumi. "I'm going to practice so hard, Kokoron! I want this to be the best show ever!"

"That's the spirit, Hagumi! But remember, every show where we're together is the best show ever!"

And she meant "we" as in "the band", Hagumi knew, but just for a second she let herself imagine that it was "we" as in "the two of them".


	6. Chapter 6

The stillness was deafening.

Hagumi felt like she was doing nothing but waiting. Waiting for practice. Waiting for the special band show. Waiting for her parents to blow up and break the tentative stalemate that they seem to have achieved. Waiting for the inevitable fallout from that.

Practice in and of itself was a wildcard, because it brought with it both relief and an entire cavalcade of emotions.

They had started to practice outside with the basket so they could work on positioning. Hagumi liked being in the basket with Kokoro even on the ground. It hinted at more - a future, coming soon, where they would be soaring through the air together in order to start the show. Kokoro had informed them that the balloon would be controlled remotely in order to ensure that they would be the only two people in the basket, and that was especially exciting. She still wasn't sure why she found the thought of being alone with Kokoro to be so special. She thought that maybe it was because it was like having all of the sun's warm rays to yourself. Anyone would like to have their own personal sun, right?

Kaoru spent a lot of time working with them on the choreography and acting. "Remember, for this part you want to be excited. You've come all this way to bring joy to all the little kittens of Earth. Be excited! Be ecstatic!"

"Um, but not _too_ ecstatic," Misaki said. "You don't want to fall out of the balloon. That might be a bit of a problem."

Kokoro had been leaning so far out of the basket that it was a wonder she hadn't fallen onto the grass, but now she straightened herself up completely. "Like this?" she asked.

"Well, I mean, you can compromise a little," Misaki suggested.

They practiced this for a while. Hagumi was antsy. She was having a difficult time staying focused on the practice because her thoughts kept drifting back to how her parents had recently been acting like everything was normal and nothing was wrong. How could they act that way, she wondered? They were only one blowup away from...

"Hagumi, remember to smile!" Kaoru said.

So she did. But her heart wasn't in it until she looked over at Kokoro, who smiled back at her.

Later they practiced the choreography for the next segments of the song - the one where Hagumi and Kokoro were separated by the crowd. "This might be a little difficult," Kaoru told her. "You want to look nervous and scared, but you also want to keep the crowd smiling. This type of duality is something we wrestle with frequently as an actor. However, with practice, I believe you'll be able to pull this off in brilliant fashion!"

Hagumi wasn't so sure, but she was going to give it a try anyway.

And as it turned out, she was very good at the looking nervous part, but not so good at the doing it without bringing the whole mood down part.

Kaoru tried a different approach. "Think of yourself as being hopeful," she said. "You haven't found Kokoro yet, but you know that you will. That hope keeps you going."

She tried again. She imagined a million people standing between her and Kokoro. She felt her heart beat a little faster at this thought, and then she saw Kokoro and her eyes widened -

"Yes! Exactly it! A beautiful performance!" Kaoru said.

Maybe she wasn't so bad at this after all.

They took a short break soon after and Misaki approached her. "Hagumi," she said, her voice low and soft. "What do you think about the song?"

"I like it, Mii-kun!" said Hagumi, which was true. The song was bouncy and fun to sing, and she'd enjoyed practicing it.

"Is your part okay? Is it easy enough to learn?"

"I think so!" Hagumi had it mostly memorized at this point, although occasionally she'd have a moment where she'd freeze up and forget a line. She was hoping that with practice that aspect of it would go away.

"Okay, good," said Misaki. "And how about... otherwise?"

"Otherwise?"

"You know... with your family and stuff."

Hagumi blinked at her. "What? How did you know? I only told Kokoro and Michelle."

"Oh!" Misaki looked surprised for a second and then gave a half-smile. "Right. Sorry. Um... Michelle told me about it. Hopefully you don't mind. She said she wanted me to keep an eye on you when she couldn't. Hopefully that's okay."

It was. In fact, Hagumi felt touched by this gesture. "Yeah! That's alright! Tell Michelle that I appreciate it."

"So," Misaki said. "How is everything?"

"I'm not sure," Hagumi admitted. "They haven't fought or anything recently, but... well, I'm afraid they'll do it again at any time. Then I don't know what I'll do." She sighed, but then took a deep breath and put on a brave face. She wanted to show to the whole entire band that she would be okay. "I'm going to do my best for Hello Happy World and for the show! No matter what!" she exclaimed.

"I'm sure you will," said Misaki, "But you need to make sure to give yourself some care, too. Don't push yourself too hard, and don't be afraid to talk to any of us if something happens."

"Of course!" said Hagumi. "But I think it will be okay!" Would it really, though, she thought to herself?

Yes. Yes it would. She would make it okay.

"Well, as long as you know that we're always available, that's the important part," said Misaki.

"Yeah! Thank you, Mii-kun!" said Hagumi.

They then went back to practicing some more. More positioning. More choreography. More singing. Kaoru had them each do a little dance when they were separated from each other, and then when they met up again they did a dance together, holding hands. This was probably Hagumi's favorite part so far. Kaoru helped them come up with a fun but satisfying routine where they held each other and sang their final lines right as they got back into the basket. Then they got to wave farewell at their invisible audience and pretend they were floating away into the stars. "Kokoron, where will we really go after the we get into the basket?" Hagumi asked at one point.

"We're going to fly up into the sky and then allllll the way back here!" Kokoro said. "Exciting, isn't it? It'll be just us when we land here. It will be kind of like our own special trip!"

"The balloon will launch from here too, right?" Misaki broke in.

"Yep!" said Kokoro. "The balloon should be ready in just a few more days. Then we can do a dress rehearsal and practice with the real balloon!"

"The real balloon?" Kanon asked. "Does that mean there will be a parade and everything too?"

"Just a practice parade!" said Kokoro. "Maybe on one of our mountains. There won't be anyone there except us, though. There will be lots of space to practice on!"

"So... when is that going to be, exactly?" Misaki asked.

"I don't know!" Kokoro spun around in a little circle for what appeared to be no real reason. "But don't worry! When we get the balloon, I'll send you all a text. That way you'll all know, and we can make a plan from there!"

Hagumi felt her heartbeat speed up. A dress rehearsal and practice run... this new show was sounding more and more real every minute. Soon she would be up in the sky in a balloon with Kokoro, leaving all her cares behind for even just an hour or two. It was such an appealing thought. "Kokoron! I can't wait!" she exclaimed. She couldn't contain her excitement.

"I can't wait either, Hagumi!" Kokoro wrapped her up in a hug again.

Hagumi felt like she was being hugged by a warm beam of sunlight.

The next couple of days went similarly. Things were finally starting to stabilize, Hagumi thought. The threat of her parents suddenly fighting again was still there, hanging over her head, but it had at least sort of backed away a bit into the shadows. And meanwhile, rehearsals were going well and she was doing better at remembering her lines. She finally had a day where she nailed them all every time and she was immensely proud of herself for this, singing them out proudly across the grass that was Kokoro's green lawn. Their new show was getting closer all the while, and it was going to be their best one ever - Hagumi could feel it. The only thing that would make practice better would be if they had the actual balloon, and Kokoro promised that it was coming soon. "As soon as I hear about it, I'll let you all know!" she told them. "We'll even do our dress rehearsal the very next day! I promise!"

It gave Hagumi something happy and tangible to look forward to, and going to practice and perfecting her lines and the dance made her feel like at least she had control over _something_ in her life.

That night when she went home she had a strange feeling about things. She wasn't really sure where said feeling was coming from, was the odd thing. Something just felt off and she didn't know how to explain it.

Then it dawned on her after she asked her mother a question and she responded tersely.

Her parents were both in a bad mood.

Oh no. _Oh no._

Maybe that was all, she told herself as she went to hide in her room. Maybe they would just be in a bad mood and that would be it. She turned her computer on and got her headphones ready just in case. The thought of _divorce_ came back to her, but she couldn't think about that right now. She just couldn't -

\- but there it was.

It started out seemingly innocently enough. She heard her parents say that they had to "talk", and this "talk" was intense but not necessarily an argument. Then money was brought up, and Hagumi knew well enough by now to know that was when all hell would break loose.

And a few moments later, it did.

Their voices grew louder and sharper. Then it turned into yelling. Hagumi put her headphones on and turned her music all the way up, but somehow it always seemed that no matter how loud her music was and no matter how much her ears hurt, her parents' fighting was always louder. She heard them shout the word - _divorce_ \- and, finally, she heard her father stomp out the door.

So that was that, then. It would be happening. It would be happening and there was nothing Hagumi could do to stop it.

The shouting was over now and her ears and head hurt from having her music up so loud. So she turned the music down and pulled her headphones off. She didn't notice until she did so that her cheeks were wet with tears.

She felt completely aimless now. She felt like a computer monitor that had suddenly gone dark in the middle of everything. Her mind was blank, almost as though a part of it was actively blocking out everything that was happening as a last ditch effort to protect herself. She went to lie down on her bed, mostly because she didn't have anywhere else to go. Almost as soon as she did so, she felt her phone buzz. When she pulled it out and looked at it, it was because she was just doing the motions. She certainly wasn't thinking about anything.

It was a text from Kokoro. "Hagumi~! We have the balloon! Since tomorrow is Saturday, we're going to do the dress rehearsal at noon! Meet me at my place, okay~!" This was followed by her typical sendoff of about a dozen different emojis.

Hagumi could barely decipher the words even though they were plain as day. Then the words all blurred together and Hagumi dropped her phone and cried.

She was going to smile.

She was going to smile if it killed her.

She woke up and her father was gone and she forced herself to smile.

Her mother clearly hadn't slept, and neither had she, and she forced herself to smile. "Have a good day!" Hagumi told her mother cheerfully as she headed out the door, smiling the whole while.

She was going to do this for the band, and she was going to do this for Kokoro. Nothing else mattered anymore.

She forced herself to smile at the flowers and the green grass she saw on her bike ride over to the bus stop. She forced herself to smile at the view of the mountains and trees from the window of the bus. She forced herself to smile and wave at the bus driver as she hopped off the bus and back onto her bike. She didn't think about anything but Kokoro and Hello Happy World. This was going to be the best show ever. It was going to be. She was going to make it that way, and nothing was going to stop her.

She got to Kokoro's place early. So early, in fact, that the Suits informed her that Kokoro hadn't finished getting ready yet, so Hagumi waited in the room where they usually practiced. Happy-kun the fish was sitting in his tank. His gills and fins were moving rhythmically but other than that, he was motionless. Hagumi wondered, briefly, if he was asleep. She might have wished she were asleep herself as well, because she was exhausted after a fitful night, but she refused to think about that. No, she was fine. Everything was fine. Everything was wonderful and great and she was going to make this the best dress rehearsal ever.

Then Kokoro walked in. She was as bright and sunny as usual and her eyes somehow managed to get even brighter when she saw Hagumi. "Hagumi! I'm so glad you're here!" Then she paused and tilted her head. "You look sleepy."

"What...? No, I'm fine!" Hagumi insisted. "Don't worry, Kokoron! I'm all ready for the dress rehearsal!"

"Are you sure?" Kokoro asked. She tilted her head the other direction as she continued to peer at Hagumi.

Hagumi started to panic a little. Did she really look that bad? She couldn't let this happen. She wasn't going to ruin this special day. "I'm one hundred percent sure!" she said. "You... you believe me, right Kokoron?"

"I just want what is best for you, Hagumi!" Kokoro replied. "I know you've been feeling a little extra sad lately, so I wanted to make sure you were doing okay! But remember when I told you that I wanted to come up with a plan to make you happy again? I think I came up with one!"

"You... you did?" That was... unexpected. Hagumi didn't know what could possibly fix things now, especially after what had happened last night.

"Yeah! But I'll tell you about it later, okay? For now, we should get ready for the others!" Kokoro took Hagumi's hands in hers, and Hagumi looked down at them. They were warm and soft. "I really hope it works out, Hagumi! You're my very special friend!"

"I am?"

But before either could say anything else, the door to the room opened and in walked Kanon and Misaki. Kokoro rushed over to greet them, and a moment later, Kaoru arrived too. Hagumi rubbed her eyes. She was exhausted and she felt like would fall apart if someone so much as leaned against her. And what on earth could Kokoro possibly be talking about that would fix things? It was confusing. Everything was confusing and nothing made sense. Her mind was so muddled... everything was so muddled and suddenly very gray and...

"Hagumi?" That was Misaki.

"H... hey, Mii-kun!" Hagumi said in the most cheerful voice she could muster.

"Hagumi, are you alright?" Misaki looked almost startled. "You really don't look good."

"Oh! I'm fine!" Hagumi replied. She forced herself to take a deep breath. Sometimes when she was panicking, that would help. "I'm just a little bit nervous about the dress rehearsal, but... um, yeah! Other than that!"

Misaki looked skeptical, but Kokoro bounced over to them. "That's right!" she exclaimed, putting one arm around Misaki's shoulders and the other around Hagumi's. "Today is _the_ day! We're going to have so much fun! We've got the balloon ready out back and everything!"

"Yeah, so speaking of which, how are we going to do this?" Misaki asked. "You said you have a practice spot ready somewhere?"

"Well!" Kokoro still had an arm around her shoulders. "Yes, but only you, Kaoru, and Kanon are going to go there! Hagumi and I are going to stay here and then ride the balloon to where you are. But first, we're all going to get dressed!"

"Dressed?" Hagumi's mind still felt fuzzy.

"Mm-hmm! Into our new outfits!"

"Oh... yeah, right!" Hagumi felt the pressure of lack of sleep behind her eyebrows. Misaki looked over at her again, concerned, but before she could say anything, Kokoro was talking again.

"Misaki! Do you know where Michelle is? It's very important that she's here for the dress rehearsal!"

"Ahaha... yeah." Misaki pulled herself from out of under Kokoro's arm. "She's, um, out back. I'll go get her."

"Great!" Kokoro turned to face the others. "Everyone, I've got all the outfits ready to go!"

As soon as she said that, the Suits arrived, each of them holding a different exquisitely tailored outfit. Kokoro, Hagumi, Kanon, and Kaoru each got one, and when Michelle arrived a few moments later she got one too.

"Okay!" said Kokoro. "Now we can all head to the dressing room, and once we're all ready, we can head out!"

Hagumi had been to the dressing room before, but even so, she felt oddly woozy as she followed the others down the hall. She tried to keep her gaze straight ahead, because she thought if she looked at the floor it might just confuse things.

Once they arrived, Hagumi managed to dress herself... well, mostly. There were a lot of buttons and snaps and the lights in the room were very bright, and her head was starting to hurt again. Kanon asked her if she was alright, at one point, and Hagumi tried to insist that she was but Kanon helped her with the outfit anyway. Soon enough they were all ready, and Kokoro took them out to where a very large and very fancy car was waiting. Kanon and Kaoru got in, and so did Michelle after a considerable amount of effort.

"I'll see you there~" Kokoro called out to them as they drove off. Then she turned around and took Hagumi's hand. Hagumi was so out of it that this action startled her a little, but she couldn't parse it because Kokoro was talking. "Okay! Are you ready for the balloon ride?"

_Balloon ride_ was a big and important enough event that Hagumi could understand it no matter how she felt otherwise. "Yes!" she said. She gave a big nod of her head for emphasis, which made it throb again.

So Kokoro led her all the way around her gigantic house to out back where they had been practicing for the last few days. And there, indeed, was the balloon.

It was _enormous_. Hagumi had known that a hot air balloon would be big, but this was so big she could hardly take it all in with her eyes alone. It was already inflated and ready to go, and several technicians and the Suits were there making sure everything was in order. "Wow," Hagumi said under her breath, and for just a moment she forgot everything else and took it all in.

Kokoro's eyes were sparkling. "Isn't it great?" she exclaimed. "I got to see it before you all came. It's so amazing... I was really hoping you would like it, Hagumi!"

Something about that statement reminded Hagumi of what Kokoro had said earlier. "Is this... the special idea you had to make me happy, Kokoron?"

"Ehehe..." Kokoro actually blushed a little, which surprised Hagumi because that rarely ever happened. "Nope!" she said then. "That's going to happen later. But anyway, are you ready to ride together?"

"Yes!" said Hagumi. The thrill of seeing the balloon and being minutes away from flying in it had briefly energized her. One of the suits opened the basket door, and she and Kokoro got inside. Then they fastened it shut and stepped away.

Hagumi looked up. The filled balloon was directly overhead, and it was a kaleidoscope of colors and patterns. Kokoro followed her gaze and looked up as well. "It will look even better at the actual show when we do it in the evening," she said. "We'll be able to see it all lit up with stars at the end!"

"Are you ready?" A technician called out to Kokoro.

"Yes!" Kokoro called back.

The technicians milled about and talked with the Suits, and tinkered with some ground controls, and just a few moments later the balloon slowly began to rise.

Hagumi watched, fascinated, as the ground beneath them melted away and very soon they were airborne. They continued to rise, higher and higher, above the people below and above the yard... soon enough, they were above Kokoro's house! Up and up they went. She saw roads and cars and bicycles far below. Kokoro was standing next to her. "This is the best!" she exclaimed, and threw her arms wide like a bird might spread its wings. "Whee!!"

Together they and the balloon floated far into the air and then drifted through the breeze towards their destination. Hagumi felt breathless. She felt free.

"Just think, Hagumi!" said Kokoro. "What if we had a balloon like this and just traveled around and went wherever we wanted? We could make everyone smile!"

_That would be amazing_, Hagumi thought, although she was far too distracted with the view to reply. There was so much greenery below them and so much blue sky all around them. The day was perfect. A bird flew under them, and that just made it feel all the more magical.

They continued on their way until they reached the area in the mountains that Kokoro had told them about. Slowly the balloon began to descend. As Kokoro had said, it was all controlled remotely, so she and Hagumi didn't have to do anything except watch as they got closer and closer to the clearing.

"There!" Kokoro said, pointing. "Do you see?"

Hagumi looked. She could see three small colorful pinpoints, one of which was pink and slightly larger than the others.

"Okay, this is it!" said Kokoro. "Pretend it's just like the show. We're going to start singing as soon as we land. Okay?"

"Okay!" said Hagumi. The headache and sore eyes were coming back, but she was going to do this. For Kokoro and for the band, she was going to do this all just right.

The balloon lowered and touched down. Within seconds music started playing from the nearby sound setup, Kokoro nearly leaped out of the basket, and all five girls began to sing the opening verse:

_"Hey! Hey! Did you know?_   
_We've come from our star to your world below_   
_There's just one reason why we're here:_   
_To make you smile and spread some cheer!"_

Hagumi was struggling to remember these verses as well as the dance moves at the same time, but she figured that was okay. The important part was her solo coming up.

The group song continued:

_"Hey! Hey! Let's put on a smile_   
_Singing and dancing all the while_   
_Come and watch our big parade_   
_The Hello Happy Masquerade!"_

The dance continued and Hagumi tried to remember the dance steps as best as she could. She was exhausted and her head was throbbing, but she knew she had to do this right. First one step... then another...

Then the chorus began:

_"It's like sunshine -_   
_The brightest most beautiful day_   
_It's like sunshine -_   
_Happy, Lucky, Smile, Yay!"_

Hagumi's part was next. It involved her first getting separated from the others and, according to Kaoru, having to act distraught and confused. Well, that part would be easy enough, because that was how she mostly felt at the moment. She did everything just as practiced, although the steps were kind of intensive and she felt dizzy. Kokoro had suggested that perhaps in the real show she could dance from one float to another, so she did her best to pretend that the floats were there and that she was leaving the one she used to and arriving on a new, less inviting one. A familiar music cue came up. Her solo was next...

...what was the line?

It... was...

...right!

_"Hey! Hey! Look at it all_   
_The world's so big and I'm so small_   
_So much to see and so much to do_   
_How will I find my way back to you?"_

There. Her part was done. Her voice had wavered, and she thought she probably hadn't projected her voice well enough, but she had the words down. It had taken a lot out of her, and she was breathing heavily as Kokoro began her line:

_"_ _Hey! Hey! Just listen for me_   
_I'll sing the song that sets you free_   
_Just follow the happiness in your heart_   
_We'll never again have to be apart!"_

Kokoro looked like a shining star as she sang it. It was perfect. She was perfect for the role. It was easy for Hagumi to dance back over to her and take her hands while they all finished up with the chorus:

_"_ _She's like sunshine -_  
_The brightest most beautiful day_  
_She's like sunshine -_  
_Happy, Lucky, Smile, Yay!"_

Now she and Kokoro were getting back onto the balloon. Hagumi stumbled trying to get inside, but Kokoro helped her up. The song finished up:

_"Happy, Lucky, Smiiiiiiiiiiile... Yay!"_

And right on cue, as soon as it did, the balloon rose into the sky and it lit up with hundreds of twinkling lights. They probably would have looked much more spectacular in the darkness, but as it was the sudden brightness of all the pinpoints of light just made Hagumi's forehead throb again. Kokoro was waving at her imaginary audience on the ground, and Hagumi decided to do likewise. She was absolutely doing this for her. She was almost done. Soon it would all be over. Just a little bit longer...

"Wow!!" Kokoro jumped up and down. The basket swung a little and Hagumi clung on to the edge. "That was amazing!" Kokoro continued. "Everyone did perfectly! Imagine doing it when there's a real parade! It's going to be even more incredible!"

"Y... yeah, Kokoron!" Hagumi said. She couldn't decide if she was relieved that it was all finished, or overwhelmed from everything that had just occurred. She thought, somewhere in the back of her mind, that maybe she should collapse somewhere and actually let herself process things, but that was a scary thought. She had successfully kept everything bottled up so far. Those were thoguhts she didn't especially want to let out. Maybe she should just keep it that way. It would be better for the band, right?

Kokoro turned to look at her. "Oh, Hagumi..." she blushed a little. "Do you know when I said I had a surprise for you? That would fix everything?"

"Mm-hmm." Hagumi still had no idea what to expect from this. And why was Kokoro blushing? Hadn't her performance been good? What was she embarrassed about?

"Wellllllll..." Kokoro kicked the floor of the basket nervously with the tip of her shoe. "I don't think this will be able to help right away, but... maybe in the future..."

Hagumi had no idea what Kokoro was trying to say. In fact, she didn't think she'd ever seen Kokoro this flustered before. "What is it, Kokoron?" she asked.

Kokoro tried again. "Remember earlier when I said it would be great if we could fly around the world together in a balloon and make the world smile? Well... what if we did that... for real? What if we were, you know... together?"

"Together?" Hagumi blinked.

"You know, like... girlfriends!" Kokoro finally said.

"...girlfriends?" the word came out almost as a squeak. She thought things were starting to spin a little.

Kokoro took her hands. "Hagumi! You're my most special friend... the one I can always count on to want to make people smile as much as I do! The one who makes _me_ smile the most!"

"I... but..." Hagumi was speechless.

"So, what do you think?" Kokoro's eyes were shining with hope. "We probably can't do anything until we're both grown up, but... then we can fly away from all the bad things that are making you sad! We can go all over the world together, and we don't have to come back here if you don't want to! There are so many places we can go and things to do..."

Hagumi had no idea how to respond to this. Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. She couldn't believe that Kokoro was saying this to _her_ of all people. Her! She'd told her that she was the one who made her smile! If only she knew that it was the other way around, too... that she thought Kokoro was the brightest sun in the sky...

She thought about the two of them together. As girlfriends. Flying away from everything like Kokoro said. Then she would never have to worry again. Then no matter what her parents did, it wasn't her problem anymore. Finally, she could relax. Everything would be happy, and she'd be with Kokoro...

...with Kokoro...

_"Why... can't... you just try... not fighting?"_

_ "It doesn't work like that," he said._

_"Why not?"_

_"Hagumi... it's very complicated."_

_"How can it be complicated?"_

_"You'll understand when you're older."_

The words her parents had told her all came rushing back to her, suddenly, like a sudden flood. She'd told them to stop fighting and they told her that they couldn't. Because _it didn't work like that_. Because...

...because... that's just how relationships ended, apparently.

Hagumi shut her eyes tight. She couldn't do that. Not to Kokoro. Kokoro was too good. She thought of the two of them arguing and being sad and it made her heart ache. She couldn't stand it. So no... she couldn't.

"Kokoron..." she said. "I... don't think I can."

"O... oh," said Kokoro. "Is it not going to fix it?"

"I... don't think that's it," said Hagumi. She felt horrible saying all of this, but she'd feel even more horrible if they got together and that just ruined everything. "I think it's just... not a good idea!" She looked up at Kokoro. "But... I still really, really want to be friends! Best friends!"

"Okay!" said Kokoro. "That's what's important!" She smiled, then, but Hagumi noticed that something about it was off.

It was a sad smile.

Hagumi hadn't thought her heart could sink any further until just t hen.

They were quiet for a little while as the balloon drifted back to Kokoro's house. Before it was about to land, Kokoro turned to Hagumi and said, "I really want everything to be okay for you, Hagumi. If you can think of any way for me to help... let me know, okay?"

"Yeah... okay," said Hagumi. But she didn't think there was.

They met up with the others and dispersed soon after. Hagumi went home, went to her room, and shut the door. Somehow, she felt as though she had failed. She'd tried to do her best but all she'd done was make Kokoro sad.

Why had it all had to end that way? Was this just what things were going to be like from now on? Maybe it was just because she was so sad. How could she be in a band meant to spread happiness when she, herself, couldn't be happy? She had made Kokoro sad. Kokoro had said she could always count on Hagumi to make her smile, and what had Hagumi done?

Made her sad.

She couldn't let things be like that. She wouldn't.

She pulled out her phone and sent a group text to the others.

"I'm sorry... I don't think I can be in the band anymore."


	7. Chapter 7

Hagumi actually was sick this time.

But she was miserable. Everything ached. Her head ached. Her stomach ached.

Her heart ached.

It was Sunday, so she didn't have school. This meant she could stay in bed and be sick all day with no repercussions. She wrapped herself up in blankets and scratched at her arm listlessly. It didn't even itch that much, really, but scratching it was kind of distracting and felt good for some reason. It gave her something to focus on that wasn't the previous day.

Her mother came in to check on her and asked if she was hungry.

"Mmf," said Hagumi. That was a no.

Fortunately, her mother got the hint.

Hagumi's phone had been off since the night before when she'd sent the text. She'd turned it off immediately after sending the text, in fact. She knew she was going to get a barrage of replies and she absolutely did not want to deal with them. It would probably just make her feel worse, she thought.

No... no, she wasn't going to go back on this one. She was going to leave the band. If she couldn't smile herself, then what was the use of trying to make others smile, too?

She realized after another moment that she'd eventually have to go back to school and see everyone - well, not Kaoru, but everyone else - there too. She'd deal with that when she got there, she supposed.

She wondered just how sad she'd made Kokoro. She couldn't bear the thought of seeing her so sad and dejected the next time she saw her. She kept thinking about Kokoro not smiling. Kokoro being sad. The brightest girl in the world in the shadow of a cloud. Wow, she'd really made a mess out of things, hadn't she?

She scratched her arm until it hurt, so she switched to her other arm.

At some point she fell asleep. When she woke up, she still had a headache and a stomachache. She might have the stomachache from not eating, she thought, but she couldn't quite tell. For what it was worth, she wasn't hungry.

She heard her parents talking to each other outside. Their voices were muffled and she wasn't sure what, exactly, they were talking about. They didn't seem to be arguing, but they didn't sound like they were on particularly friendly terms with each other, either.

Maybe they were talking about the divorce.

Hagumi rolled over and wrapped herself up in more blankets.

She thought of Michelle for some reason, suddenly, and how she'd told her that she needed to find places to stay other than home. Home was toxic, but it was also her sanctuary, wasn't it? It was a place where she could hide from her parents...

...well, okay, not so much, because they were at home too.

But she could hide from her classmates, and...

...but she usually didn't _want_ to hide from her classmates...

This was so confusing. Maybe Michelle had actually been right. Michelle was from a magical bear land after all, wasn't she? She probably had a better idea of these things than humans did, because she could see them from a different perspective.

(Michelle _was_ Misaki, she knew deep deep down, but at the moment, she didn't believe that.)

But where could she go? She wasn't an adult yet. She couldn't just leave.

...but she could always spend the night somewhere.

She thought about all her friends in Hello Happy World. If it had been anytime before now, she would have jumped at the chance to spend the night with any of them. But things were different now.

Then she had another idea.

She'd have to turn on her phone, though.

She was almost wincing as she did it, waiting for the inevitable onslaught of texts and notifications of missed calls. Sure enough, dozens of them popped up almost as soon as her phone was powered on. There were multiple texts from every other member of the band, as well as a couple of missed calls and voice mails.

She ignored them all and scrolled down to the contact that she'd had in her phone the longest.

"Hagu!! You look so awful!!" Kasumi pulled Hagumi into her house and shut the door behind her.

"Don't tell her that, Kasumi! Jeeze!" Arisa was behind her and she put her hands on her hips.

"But it's true! She told me she wasn't feeling well but I had no idea!" Kasumi protested. She turned back to Hagumi. "Hagu, don't worry! You can stay here as long as you want!" She balled her fists with determination.

"You know there's school tomorrow, right?" Arisa pointed out.

"School can wait! Nothing beats the power of love and friendship!" Kasumi said.

"Th... thanks, Ka-kun, A-chan..." Hagumi was well aware of the fact that she didn't look particularly great at the moment. She was wearing a baggy hoodie and hadn't washed or eaten since the day before. Getting out of the house was an ordeal all of its own, but she knew it would be worth it in the end. "Sorry... I know I didn't really explain anything..."

"It's okay!" Kasumi lead Hagumi over to her room, and all three of them sat on the bed. "You didn't have to say anything except that you weren't doing well! Arisa was already spending the night anyway, so we'll just do all three of us!"

"Thank you!" Hagumi said again.

"You should take a bath. And eat something," said Kasumi. "Then we can talk about whatever is bothering you!"

"Homework..." Arisa hinted at her.

"Don't listen to Arisa," said Kasumi. She sprouted a mischievous smile. "She's just jealous now that it's not the two of us all night anymore."

"K... Kasumi!!!!" Arisa was blushing too hard to say anything else.

"Arisaaaa~ you and I spend so much time together alreadyyy~ we have to share sometimeees~" Kasumi playfully wrapped her arms around Arisa's shoulders and then poked one of her pink cheeks with an index finger.

"That's... not... aaargghh!" Arisa pulled away and composed herself. "Eheh... sorry about that, Hagumi-san."

"It... it's fine! Really!" Hagumi meant it. Something about seeing the two of them banter with each other was already making her feel a lot better, and she wasn't sure why.

"Anyway!" Kasumi said. "You take a bath, and I'll make us some food, okay?" 

"Okay!" said Hagumi.

The bath was warm and soothing, and the bathroom itself was clean and pleasant and welcoming. At first she felt a little weird using someone else's bath, but ultimately that is exactly what helped her to relax a little. Her own home had a lot of strange associations with it now. This one didn't. It was all new to her. She allowed herself to lean back and relax and take her time.

When she was finished, Kasumi brought them all some warm pastries and tea. Hagumi found that now, oddly, her hunger was returning, and she happily ate. The pastries were fluffy and filling, and the tea's familiar scent was comforting.

"Okay!" said Kasumi. "So what's up? I'm a little worried about you!"

"I..." Hagumi took a deep breath. "I quit the band."

"_Ehhh??_" Kasumi and Arisa both said this together.

"Yeah..." Hagumi looked down.

"What??" Kasumi's eyes were almost popping out of her head. "But you love the band so much!"

"Did something happen?" Arisa asked. "I know you wouldn't just... quit like that. Right?"

"Well, a lot of things are happening, really," said Hagumi. She wasn't sure how much of it to say or how much of it the others would even want to hear. She decided to keep things short and simple first. "I've been having a lot of trouble smiling lately, and I don't think I want to be in a band that's about making people smile if I can't smile myself."

"Aww... Hagu..." Kasumi reached over and hugged her tight. "That's awful! Why can't you smile?"

"Lots of reasons," said Hagumi, and as she said that she realized for the first time just how many things had happened in short succession to drag her down like this. First her parents had fought for the first time in a while... then her dad had left and they weren't sure if he was coming back... then they said they were going to try again... then the word _divorce_ was being thrown around... then...

...this all had to do with her parents, didn't it?

But that was confusing. Sure, they had moments like this... a lot... but... they were still good people overall, right? They couldn't possibly be why she was feeling so down, right?

"Ka-kun, remember when we were kids and we'd play in that park all the time?" Hagumi asked.

"Mm-hmm!" Kasumi pulled away but she was leaning forward and listening intently.

"And... I used to tell you how much I wanted to be just like my dad! How he made the best croquettes and I wanted to be just like him!" The thought was kind of sadly nostalgic, now that she was thinking about it.

"Yeah!"

"Well..." Hagumi rubbed her hands together nervously. "The older I get, the more I realize that he's not perfect. And my mom isn't, either. And I think... I think they're making me sad, too. I don't think they mean it, but that doesn't mean they don't still hurt!"

"Ohh," said Kasumi. "Yeah... that sounds really confusing!"

"It is!" said Hagumi, glad to hear the words of support. "I don't know what to do about it. And I'm afraid... I'm afraid that I'll end up like that when I grow up too!" She looked down dejectedly.

"That's not true at all, Hagu!" said Kasumi. "You don't have to become your parents, you know! You can take the best parts from them and leave the worst parts behind."

"Yeah, Kasumi actually has a point," said Arisa. "You're not locked into being one specific type of person just by virtue of how you were born, or what family you have."

"That's what a lot of people say," said Hagumi. "And that's what I want to believe. But it's hard, you know? When you've only grown up with one type of example. They didn't use to fight so much. I remember when I was very little, they were so loving and kind to each other. Then the shop went through a really bad time and they started to argue. Ever since then, they sort of go through phases. It had been a while since the last one, so I was really hoping it was over this time. But..." She sighed. "Now they're talking about separating. I don't know what to do, and I definitely don't know how to smile at a time like this!" Now more than ever, she wished she was like Kokoro. Kokoro could make anyone smile. If only she could, too.

"I kind of feel a little bad for not knowing about that, Hagu!" said Kasumi. "If I'd known sooner, maybe I could have tried to help!"

"I don't think you could have helped with this one, Ka-kun," said Hagumi with a sad smile. This reminded her of Kokoro trying to help her and how she'd come up with an idea for it, which reminded her about how all of _that_ had ended. She still felt bad about that. She blushed and looked away, then said after a moment, "Kokoron tried to help me too. She wanted... well. Anyway, I didn't want to hurt her, so..."

"Hagu. I don't think you could ever hurt anyone." Kasumi balled her fists up, as though the very notion was terrible. "At least, not on purpose."

"I... kind of hate to admit it, but she's right," Arisa piped up. "And I don't think it's helpful for you to isolate yourself, if that's what you've been doing. By, you know, quitting the band and missing days of school. Especially if you're isolating yourself by staying at your place. What your parents are doing isn't healthy."

"But... what should I do?" Hagumi sighed. "I don't know where to go. I'm not an adult yet, so I can't move out. Kokoro was suggesting something kind of like that too. But until then, I'm stuck."

"You can start making plans, though!" said Kasumi. "Think about what universities you'd like to go to. Maybe you can find one that's far away. Well, not _too_ far away. You could try getting counseling somewhere, too. I bet that would help a lot. Oh! And of course, you can stay over at my place whenever you want! And Arisa's place too, I bet!"

"Huh?" Arisa sputtered. "You can't just volunteer my place to literally anyone, Kasumi!!"

"Oh?? And why not?" Kasumi put on the mischievous smile that she seemed to save only for Arisa. "You have so much space there that you're not using for anything~ Oh, except your trees."

"They're bonsai!! And that still doesn't mean you can just rent my place out! What are you, some sort of landlord?" Arisa crossed her arms and stuck her lower lip out in a pout.

"But you know you want to, Arisa~" Now Kasumi wrapped her arms around Arisa, and Arisa went stiff for a second but then her whole body seemed to relax into Kasumi's arms. "Listen," said Kasumi, her mouth close to Arisa's ear. "You know you want to help our friend Hagu out too. If she was in real trouble, you would. You'd help anyone out and you know it."

"Mrrrmmm..." Arisa mumbled. "I guess." She was blushing, though, and finally she put her arms around Kasumi too.

And in that moment, Hagumi felt like she had a real glimpse into something that she'd been missing this whole time. Something that she wasn't sure she had ever really seen outside of movies and stories until just now.

A healthy relationship.

Kasumi and Arisa were teasing each other, it was true - well, Kasumi was doing the bulk of the teasing, but either way, it was happening. But there was no real resentment. There was no arguing. No yelling. They were joking, and touching each other, and talking about things that were important to both of them in order to help a friend.

That, Hagumi realized suddenly, was what she wanted.

And maybe... maybe they were right.

Maybe she _could_ have that too.

...but what if she failed, though? That thought came to her like cold water rushing down her spine. She had already made a mess of things with the band by quitting, she thought. "Guys... I really appreciate the advice," she said, which was true. "But... I still don't know if I can go back with the band. Not yet, anyway. I think I really have to think about this."

"That's okay!" Kasumi said. She pulled herself away from Arisa and wrapped herself around Hagumi instead. Her hugs were always warm and grounding, like she was a tether to the earth. It was almost ironic, because she loved the stars so much. "You should give yourself all the time you need. But definitely don't spend too much of it at your house, okay? I'm sure there's lots of other places you can spend time at. Like here, or Arisa's house, or the library, or the cafe, or... well, anywhere, really!"

"Yeah, that's a good idea... but... I'm a little worried about the band, though," Hagumi continued. "They were about to put on a show. A really big one, with a parade and a hot air balloon and everything! We were even practicing and doing dress rehearsals. We had a dress rehearsal just yesterday, but... I don't know. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't smile, so I couldn't put my all into it. So I told them I would have to leave the band, and... well, now they're going to have to cancel the show. Or do it without me, or something." She felt awful about this and looked down.

"We'll take care of it for you!" said Kasumi.

"You will?" said Hagumi.

"We will??" sputtered Arisa at the same time.

"Absolutely! I'll talk to Kokoron for you. We'll come up with something, don't worry!"

"Ka-kun... you're such a good friend!" Hagumi hugged Kasumi tight. "Thank you!"

"That's what friends are for!" said Kasumi. "And we've been friends since we were kids, right? I definitely owe you some help by now, I'm sure."

Hagumi rubbed her hands together nervously. "They're probably all worried about me," she said. "They were calling me and sending me messages yesterday... and I didn't answer any of them. I didn't want to read them... I felt really bad about it, but I think I'm scared to see what they're saying. What if they're mad?"

Arisa spoke up. "If I know those girls at all, they definitely won't be mad," she said. "They're probably just really worried."

"Exactly!" said Kasumi. "It's just like the time that Arisa wasn't doing well and she didn't want to talk to any of us, but she was just -"

"Hey, don't tell her about _that!"_ Arisa exclaimed.

"Aw, come on, it's helpful!" said Kasumi. "You're a great visual aid."

"Oh, for crying out..." Arisa began, but then she let out a breath. "Hagumi-san," she said, "I've had similar rough times myself. And you know... Kasumi's right. Again. Somehow."

"Hee hee hee," said Kasumi. She was wearing her mischievous grin again.

"Don't let it get to your head!" Arisa shot back. Then she turned to face Hagumi. "Listen. Like I was saying earlier, isolating yourself will only make things worse. Your friends are your friends for a reason. They'll stick with you no matter what, through thick and thin. It took me a while to learn that myself, but, well... I'm really glad I did."

"But what should I do?" said Hagumi. "I still think I messed everything up."

"I would just text them and let them know you're alright," said Arisa. "And if Kasumi wants to talk to Kokoro-san about the show, then let her. She's... really good at just. Talking to people like that."

"Aww, Arisa~ I knew you love me really~" Kasumi went to throw herself on top of Arisa again.

"H... hey!" Arisa said, but she didn't move away.

Hagumi pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked at it. She'd turned it off again after texting Kasumi. She was kind of afraid to turn it back on.

"Ooh, tell you what," said Kasumi. "How about I text Kokoro right now and tell her that you're okay and that we're taking good care of you. Then we'll all go to bed together soon, and you can sort of sleep on things and talk to her and the others tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"That's... another surprisingly good idea coming from you today," said Arisa.

"When it comes to my friends, I always have good ideas!" said Kasumi.

Hagumi, too, had to admit that it was a good idea. It seemed to neatly solve multiple problems at once. "Okay!" she said. "Th... thank you! You've both been so helpful."

"You're welcome, Hagu!" Kasumi said brightly. "Now then, let's all get ready for bed and I'll send a message to Kokoron!"

Soon after, they were all gathered on the floor in Kasumi's room. Including Kasumi, who had decided to forego her bed so she could sleep on the floor in sleeping bags with the rest of them. "Isn't it fun!" She exclaimed. "My sister decided to stay at her friend's place tonight too, so it's just going to be us! That's good, because she'd probably come take one look at us and tell me I was a weirdo."

"Well, she would be right, you know," said Arisa. "You have a whole good bed that you're not using just so you could sleep on the carpet."

"You're sleeping on the carpet with us too, Arisa~" Kasumi teased.

"Well... I just want to be supportive to Hagumi-san, okay!!" Arisa retorted. "It's not like I _want_ to sleep on the floor or anything."

"It's so much fun though~" said Kasumi with a sing-song voice. "We should tell each other scary stories or something like that!"

"Ugh! It's just a sleepover, it's not Halloween or anything," said Arisa.

"But what fun is a sleepover without scary stories!" said Kasumi. "I'll go first. Did you know that I heard there was a ghost in one of the bathrooms at school, but only at night..."

She continued her story, but Hagumi felt herself being lulled into sleep already. It was strange how ready she was to sleep now that she was in a different environment than her home. Kasumi's ceiling was dotted with glow-in-the-dark stars stickers which emitted a warm, slightly green glow, and that only relaxed her further. For a few minutes Hagumi tried to keep her eyes open so she could listen to Kasumi's story, because it seemed like that would only be polite, but that didn't last and she felt herself... dozing... off...

When she dreamed that night, she was standing in a field of flowers. The flowers were all different colors, like the new outfits that they had for the show, and the field was endless. There were no walls, no doors, and no locks.

At first Hagumi thought she was alone, but she turned and saw Michelle. "Hello, Hagumi~" Michelle said. Her voice sounded like it was coming from everywhere at once. "I've been waiting for you~"

"You have?" Hagumi asked.

"Of course! I'm here to take you to my world... the magical fairy bear world..."

"_Really?_" That sounded exciting. She'd always kind of wanted to go there.

"Oh yes. In fact, we're almost there. Just follow me~"

Michelle started to bound forward in great leaps, and Hagumi ran after her, but it was hard to keep up with her. She was just running like a normal person, after all, and Michelle was almost bouncing. She even seemed to speed up after a while, and soon Hagumi had lost her. She'd always thought she was a fast runner, but this was something else entirely! "Michelle!" she called out once she was out of sight. "Wait for me!"

"Don't worry~" Michelle's voice came booming from out of nowhere, even though Michelle herself wasn't anywhere to be seen. Her voice seemed to be everywhere all at once. "If you need directions, you can just ask Happy-kun~"

"...the fish?" Hagumi asked.

"Of course!" came Michelle's voice. "Happy-kun knows the way as well. And he's always happy to talk to my friends."

"Happy-kun..." Hagumi mused. She started to look around for him, since dream logic dictated he was probably in the field somewhere. But all she saw were flowers and endless running space. It was making her want to run again, even though she had no idea which direction Michelle had gone. Maybe if she just picked somewhere and started to run...

Running was exhilarating. It was exhilarating in real life and it was exhilarating in the dream as well. Running was one of the few ways she could almost always feel free. She ran and ran and ran and felt the flowers and the breeze. Maybe if she ran enough, she could find her own way to Michelle's fairy land...

...the dream faded away into blankness, as dreams sometimes do, and Hagumi slept the rest of the night peacefully.


	8. Chapter 8

"Okay Hagu! You're going to do _amazing_!"

It was the next morning. Hagumi had slept well and woke up feeling more refreshed than she had in days. They had all gotten dressed and then eaten breakfast together and now Kasumi was giving Hagumi a pep talk before they all headed off to school. "I know it's probably going to be kind of awkward seeing the other girls around," Kasumi said. "But I think they'll understand. I sent Kokoron that message yesterday like I said I was going to. And I noticed this morning that she replied! She said she wanted you to be extra happy and she would do everything she could to help with that!"

"O... okay!" Hagumi was still nervous. What would they say? Would they look at her funny? Would they crowd around her and ask her questions? Would they do the opposite, and avoid her? Would they try to get her back into the band? What would she tell them then?

"Just don't worry about it," said Kasumi, who seemed to pick up on Hagumi's anxiety.

"You can't tell someone to stop worrying. Jeeze." That was Arisa. "Worrying like that is just going to happen naturally sometimes," she added to Hagumi. "I don't think there's much you can do about it, but just remember that it will pass."

"Right!" said Kasumi. She helped adjust Hagumi's school uniform and smoothed some of the wrinkles out for her. "Okay! I think we're all ready to go now!"

Then they were off to school. Hagumi was glad she wasn't going alone. She had two friends with her, one on either side, almost as though they were guarding her. They weren't really, but still, it was comforting to imagine it.

School itself went as it usually did. She saw Kanon and Misaki, and they both gave her a comforting smile, but otherwise didn't talk to her. They seemed to be giving her space. Hagumi wondered, briefly, what they'd told her in their texts to her that she hadn't checked yet. In fact, she still had her phone off - she hadn't yet summoned up the courage to see what they'd said.

Later she saw Kokoro. Kokoro was full of energy, as usual - bouncing around talking to different people - and she looked as though she was itching to talk to Hagumi, as well, but she didn't seem to get the chance. Hagumi did a good job looking busy and dodging out of the way of questions from pretty much anyone.

Finally school was over for the day. Hagumi didn't want to stick around in case of impending questions, and she went straight to softball practice and then once that was over she went straight to her locker. Her plan was to set off home as soon as she could and hopefully avoid running into anyone.

There was a letter in her locker.

That was odd, because Hagumi rarely, if ever, got those. The letter was square and stiff, like a card. The envelope itself was a sky blue color and the flap was sealed down with a flower sticker.

Intrigued, Hagumi slid a finger through the flap and opened the envelope.

As she'd guessed, there was a card inside. It was from the aquarium, no less. The front of it the card was a photograph of several jellyfish in a variety of colors. Hagumi opened the card. Inside were more jellyfish, but these were hand-drawn with colored pencils. Next to them was a note. "Hagumi-chan, I always find it calming to watch jellyfish swim. They don't really seem to know where they're going, but they don't mind either. They just go with the flow. I'm sorry that you feel like you have lost your way, but I hope you find your flow again soon."

The note was signed "Kanon" with a little heart.

Hagumi was touched. Even though she'd been purposefully avoiding the band members, they still cared about her. Enough to smile at her, and think about her, and even give her a card. A part of her wistfully wanted to go back to being with the band, but she chased that thought away quckly. Everything was all wrong right now, including her mental state. She decided that they would all be better off without her.

She put the card in her backpack and then headed home. Going home after school was something she had done several times before, of course, but it felt especially weird this time. She felt like she should be going somewhere else. Maybe going back to Kasumi's place, or going to hang out with her friends and Kokoro's house. But then, it would be weird going to hang out with the band when she wasn't in the band anymore, right?

That reminded her of how this meant that the band would either have to cancel their impending parade and show, or reschedule it while they figured out a way to do it without Hagumi. She couldn't help but feel bad about this. Kasumi had said that she would talk to Kokoro and figure it out, but still...

Hagumi turned the key to the front door and went inside her house. Her parents were both seemed to be busy, probably with shop business. That was a good sign, because it meant that they weren't arguing. She greeted them briefly before heading up to her room. She started on homework right away. Not because she particularly _wanted_ to do it, but because she wanted to occupy herself somehow and keep her mind off of everything else that was going on.

About an hour later, she heard something at her window.

...it couldn't be.

Could it?

It was.

Hagumi's window was closed this time, but someone was knocking at it.

It was Kokoro. Wearing her pink helmet, and standing on top of a ladder.

Once she got Hagumi's attention, she started waving excitedly.

Hagumi ran over and opened the window, and as soon as she did Kokoro let herself right in. "Yoo-hoo!" She said. "I'm glad you're here! I was a little afraid that you wouldn't be and that I would have come all this way for nothing!"

"Kokoron..." Hagumi wasn't sure what to say. This was all terribly awkward. She hadn't talked to Kokoro since sending that fateful message. "I..."

"You don't have to say anything, Hagumi!" said Kokoro. "I have a lot to say to you, though." And at those words, her cheery demeanor changed. Her eyes softened and her lips curled slightly downward. She was actually frowning. She never frowned! But there it was. "Hagumi," she said. "I'm... I'm sorry. I don't think I quite listened to your perspective on things enough. I don't think I knew quite how hard this is for you. And I think I pushed you too much with the band and the practice and everything. Instead of going ahead with the dress rehearsal, we should have checked to make sure that you were okay before we started." She paused for a minute. "Anyway, I wanted to apologize," she said.

"I... really?" Hagumi hadn't been expecting that at all. She also wasn't sure an apology was necessary to begin with.

"Yeah! Really really!" Kokoro sat down on Hagumi's bed. "Oooh, your mattress is so squishy!" she said as she did so. "And you've got such a cute blanket!"

"Thanks, Kokoron," said Hagumi. She sat down next to her. This was all very surreal, but on the other hand, it was also very... Kokoro. And that in and of itself was comforting, in a way. Some things changed, but Kokoro stayed the same.

"Actually... I have a confession to make," said Kokoro. "I don't really... know what it's like to have parents, I guess."

"You don't?"

"Well... you've never seen them, right?"

Now that Hagumi thought about it... she hadn't. "I guess not," she said.

"Exactly! That's because they're never around." Kokoro was frowning again. "They're always... somewhere else, doing important grown up stuff. A lot of times they're not even in the country. They've always been nice to me when they _are_ around, and they want to make sure that I have everything I need to be happy. That's why those people in the suits are always around, to make sure! My parents were the ones who hired them in the first place. But... I guess I always wondered what it was like to be a real family. I didn't imagine that it could be bad."

"Well... I don't know if it's _bad_, exactly," Hagumi said before she realized she was saying it. She still had an idea in the back of her head that her parents weren't really all _that bad_, and this idea conflicted her, but it was there nonetheless.

"Anyway!" Kokoro charged ahead with her story. "I think that the band... Hello Happy World... I think I wanted that to become my new family. A group of people who are always there for each other and always ready to have fun. And I think in a lot of ways, that came true! We really do feel like a family!" She paused to think, and when she looked back over at Hagumi she was smiling again, but it was a sad smile. "But you know... if you're not happy with it... then... that's okay! You don't have to be in the band anymore. You can take a break from it for as long as you need, or you know... forever, if you want!"

Something about the way Kokoro said _forever_ made Hagumi feel distraught. "I'm sorry, Kokoron," she said. "I didn't mean to make anyone sad or anything..."

"It's okay!" said Kokoro. "Like I said. I want to make sure that your happiness comes first. Your smile is very important to me! Oh, and don't worry about the show. We've already got that covered!"

"You do?"

"Yep! Kasumi and I were talking just a little while ago. She's agreed to take your place at the show if you're not feeling up to it. She'll do great, I just know it. She's really good at being bright and twinkly, just like a star!" Kokoro tilted her head. "But you know... I think you were very good at it in that dress rehearsal. You made me so happy. Just watching you dance and sing and look for me... but anyway!" Kokoro tossed her silky golden hair back behind her shoulders with one smooth move of her wrist. "I came all the way here to tell you that I want to restart."

"Restart? What do you mean?"

"Well... like I said earlier, I don't think I was really listening to you. And I was trying so hard to make you smile and fix things, that I didn't really dig deep enough into the problem. So, I want to restart. Take it from the top, like we would with a practice session. And we're going to figure it out together. Okay?"

Hagumi still didn't _quite_ understand what Kokoro was trying to accomplish and she didn't _quite_ know what they were even supposed to figure out, but she did feel a little better already. She'd been so worried that Kokoro would be angry with her or disappointed... but she genuinely sounded like she was okay with the outcome. So: "Okay!" said Hagumi. "Just tell me what to do!"

"That's the spirit, Hagumi!" said Kokoro. She was smiling again, and it was so bright, just like a warm summer day. Hagumi felt like things were probably going to be okay. "Oh!" Kokoro pulled something out of one of her pockets. It was a few folded up pieces of paper and a pencil. "I'm not really good at talking about ideas so I decided we could draw them."

"Draw what?"

"The plan to make Hagumi happy~" Kokoro replied. "Here, I'll start." She spread the paper out on the bed as best as she could and began to draw. The bed really wasn't the best drawing surface, but Kokoro was determined as she drew a little person. "That's you," she said. "And this sun up here..." - she drew a beaming sun with a smiley face - "...is happiness! We have to figure out how to get the sun to you!" She drew an arrow connecting them.

Hagumi kind of wanted to tell Kokoro that she thought _she_ was the sun, but she was embarrassed, and not only that, but she had just turned down Kokoro's proposal to be girlfriends only recently. It probably wouldn't be right to say something like that. She couldn't help but think it, though.

Kokoro tilted her head and looked at the picture, which was crinkled from using the bed as a drawing surface. "I don't know..." she said after a moment of thoughtful silence. "I was hoping it would be easy, but... I think your parents are standing in between you and the sun, blocking it."

"Yeah..." said Hagumi. She looked down at her hands. "I'm sure they don't mean it, but..."

"But they're stopping you from smiling, and that's not right!" said Kokoro, and her voice was determined enough that Hagumi started to believe it just a little bit. "It doesn't matter if they mean it or not," said Kokoro. "What matters is what they are doing!" She looked back down at the crumpled paper. There was an arrow pointing from the smiling sun right to the tiny Hagumi. "I wish it was easier," she said. "When I had my idea, I was just thinking about the future. I didn't think about how to fix things right now, and I should have." She sounded like she really meant it. Hagumi wanted to reach out and comfort her, but then suddenly Kokoro looked up. "We should ask the others for ideas!" she said.

"Maybe... I don't know," said Hagumi. "I don't really want to bother them, and I'm not in the band anymore so..."

"You won't be bothering any of us!" said Kokoro. "And even if you're not in the band, you're still a part of the family I chose. The family that we all chose. You know? Anyway. Even if the others can't help, just getting you out of this house will help, I think! I'll talk to the others, okay? I'm sure they will all agree!"

Before Hagumi could reply, she heard someone coming up the stairs. She glanced over at Kokoro, worried. Kokoro wasn't supposed to be there, after all.

But Kokoro was surprisingly quick as she bounded out the window and slid down the ladder right as the bedroom door opened. It was Hagumi's mother. "Hagumi," she said, "Were you talking to someone just now?"

"No..." said Hagumi. She wasn't very good at lying, but she felt like she didn't have much of a choice here.

"Remember you aren't supposed to have friends over without letting us know first," said her mother.

"I know, mom," said Hagumi.

"You've been gone a lot recently, too," said her mom. "Are you sure you're spending enough time on your studies?"

"Yes," said Hagumi, hoping the interrogation would be over soon.

"I don't want you ending up like your father. You know, leaving all the time when things get tough. Be sure you keep your homework and studies in mind, okay? That's very important if you want to get into a good university."

"I know, mom..." said Hagumi. She hated when her parents started complaining about each other to her. She hated it so much. Why did they always make it seem like she had to choose a side? Families weren't supposed to split apart and have to choose sides like this.

"Alright. I just wanted to make sure you knew. Dinner will be soon." She turned and left, finally.

Hagumi let out a sigh of relief and then remembered Kokoro. She dashed over to the window and looked outside, but the ladder was gone and so was any trace of Kokoro. Her parents had chased away the sunlight, yet again.

If only she could grow up and do what she wanted to do.

...what _did_ she want to do?

She remembered going to the fancy bakery with Kokoro and Kokoro telling her they should travel the world together and make everyone smile. And of course, just the other day Kokoro had proposed that they make that their future.

But now, more than ever, she wasn't sure if that was ever going to happen.

She spent the rest of the day indoors and she felt cooped up and bored. Her room had always felt like a sanctuary but now it felt like a cage. Finally, she decided to turn on her phone and actually look at some of the messages that her friends had all sent her that night she'd told them that she was leaving the band. She'd been putting it off long enough.

She opened up the text messaging app and began to scroll through them. Just as she'd remembered from the time she'd briefly had her phone on the other day, there was message after message from each member of the band.

Kokoro had been the first to respond. She'd wanted to know why, if there was anything she could do, if she could call, if she could come over, if she had said or done something... the list went on and on. Finally, though, she'd ended with a "It's okay if you don't want to talk! You're probably feeling overwhelmed! Take your time!" How was she always so helpful and understanding? Even when she didn't quite understand what was going on, she tried her best anyway, and Hagumi appreciated and admired it so much.

Next came multiple texts from Kaoru. "My dear Hagumi. I'm sorry you're feeling like this," they began. "Please know how much we all admire and love you. We would not wish to lose you." The texts then switched to asking if she wanted to visit some time. "Recently, I visited with Misaki and I believe I was able to help her through some of her own problems," the texts continued in their elegant prose. "We all wish only the best for you, Hagumi. Do let me know if I can be of any assistance."

Kanon's texts began with several frowny faces before moving into sincere commiseration. "Being in a band or doing another big activity like it can be so stressful. Even though I've come to love being in the band with all of you, I understand if you want to take a break. We all do! Please let us know if we can do anything for you."

Finally, there were the texts from Misaki. "Hagumi, are you okay? Did something happen?" the messages from her asked at first. But soon enough they, too, became supportive. "Believe me, I know this band is a little... much. Take as long as you need."

Simply reading all the messages was making Hagumi tear up. She didn't deserve friends like these, she thought. She had failed to smile for all of them and had even quit Hello, Happy World altogether... but here they were, still being there for her. How were they so good? They really were her best friends. If only things were different... if only she could _make_ things different...

...then she had an idea.

It wouldn't be easy. She would need Kokoro's help and maybe everyone's help to pull it off, and even then it might not work. It might still come down to her parents... just like so many other things seemed to.

But maybe... just maybe...

...she texted Kokoro.


	9. Chapter 9

The house was beginning to feel increasingly suffocating, and so, too, was Hagumi's room.

She was used to hiding here and using it as a shield, but what was it shielding her from, really? Her parents? She could still hear them through the walls, even with her headphones on and her music all the way up. At this point it felt more like she was being fenced in. She was in a cage - perhaps one with all the trappings of a home, but nothing that she actually needed.

And yet what had she done, she thought to herself? Quit the band. Which meant fewer excuses to get away.

At least she had school and softball practice.

Her parents seemed to be getting increasingly paranoid about, well... pretty much everything. Neither of them were in a very good mood - something had happened at the shop, perhaps - and they were taking it out by sniping at each other and also at Hagumi and her brother. Her brother was still in a band and was able to get away that way, so Hagumi threw herself into her studies. Doing so seemed to temporarily assuage her parents, at least.

The idea that she had sent to Kokoro in a text was, in words at least, a simple one: what if she could explain to her parents that making the entire world smile was a good future career move? Something she should spend time on and invest in? Something she could even do... now? It sounded kind of silly when she thought about it like that. But really, they were concerned about her ending up in a good university, and music might be her ticket to doing just that. They had always been supportive of her being in the band - from the surface level, at least - but maybe she could do something more. Something bigger. She just wasn't sure what.

Nor was she sure that she even had the energy for such a thing right now. Physically, she was doing a bit better than she had earlier. Her appetite was mostly back so she was eating, at least, and her headache and stomachaches were gone. She was sleeping well... for the most part, anyway. But mentally, she still felt shaky. The thought of devoting herself full-time to the band again was intimidating, and she wasn't sure if she could do it.

But maybe, if they could help her come up with something... something to get her parents off of her back forever... something to help her escape...

Kokoro had replied with an "Ooh! That sounds like a great idea, Hagumi! We should talk to all of the others soon!" text.

Then, Hagumi had replied back with an "Even if we can't come up with something big like that, maybe we can come up with little ways to keep me out of the house," text. It surprised her how much more accepting of this idea she was now than just a few days ago, but she supposed desperate times called for desperate measures.

Kokoro had responded with "Absolutely!! I'm sure everyone will have some good ideas for that!!"

Hagumi felt better about things. Kokoro was very good at doing something once she had her mind to it. Even if she couldn't quite succeed, she would _try everything_ until it failed. She had no doubt that she would put her all into this, as well.

So there they were the next day at school. Kaoru wasn't there, of course, since she went to a different school, but Kokoro, Kanon, and Misaki were all there and ready to talk to Hagumi about whatever problem she was having. Briefly, she explained her idea. "I don't really like being at home anymore," she told them all at lunch. "I know I _should_ like it, but I don't. My parents are always grumpy lately... even at me when I haven't done anything wrong!"

"That is unfair!" Kokoro exclaimed.

"Y... yeah!" said Hagumi, who was finally just starting to believe that herself. A little bit, at least. "So, I was hoping you all could help me come up with things for me to do outside of my home. It would be helpful if they were related to school or something. My parents like when I'm doing things for school. Oh, and also... I had an even bigger idea than that."

"A bigger idea?" asked Kanon.

"Mm-hmm. I was thinking... maybe we could figure out a way to show them that music and making the world smile could get me into a good school. Then they'll absolutely be okay if I want to..." she paused. If she wanted to what? Travel the world with Kokoro (and the others, but mostly Kokoro)? She blushed a little. "Anyway. That was my idea."

"Are you thinking of joining the band again, Hagumi?" Misaki asked.

A part of her wanted to, because a part of her had been regretting quitting since she'd done it. But she still wasn't sure if she was mentally and emotionally ready yet. "Maybe," she said. "But not yet."

"I understand," said Kanon, and she smiled her kind smile.

"B... but! If I do decide, I'll definitely tell you!" Hagumi added, because she wanted them all to know that she still cared about the band. She always would, no matter what.

"Okay, so let's get this straight," said Misaki. "Just so we know we're getting it right. You want us to help you come up with valid excuses to keep you out of the house, and it can't just be wanting to see your friends. Is that right?"

"Yeah," said Hagumi.

"Well," said Misaki. "You could always say that you're doing your homework and studying with us. Kanon-san and I usually study together at the library, but we definitely wouldn't mind having you along."

"Yeah!" said Kanon. "We would love to help."

"Oh, you know what!" said Kokoro. "I've got a great idea. You should talk to Kaoru. She's in the drama club at her school. Maybe if you were helping her with a production or something, your parents would think that was useful!"

Hagumi hadn't even considered that option but it was a good one. "You're right, Kokoron!" she said. "I'll send her a text right now."

"We all definitely want to help you," said Kokoro while Hagumi pulled out her phone. "If you ever need any help at all, just let us know!"

"I will, thank you! You've had some good ideas already," said Hagumi. "Mii-kun, Kanon-chan-senpai... I definitely want to study with both of you, too!"

"Okay, so how about this," said Misaki. "Today after school, you catch up with Kaoru and talk to her about all of this. This weekend, you can come to the library with myself and Kanon-san. I think the weekend will be a good time to do it because on the other days you can just stay late at school if you have to. You know, maybe put in some extra time with the softball team. Does that sound good?"

"Yes!" said Hagumi. Her heart was thrilling, both at how helpful her friends were and the prospects of spending more time out of the house. "It sounds great! Thank you all so much!"

"You can always count on us, Hagumi!" said Kokoro. "I want us to be the family that you deserve to have. I'm going to keep trying to come up with a better solution, too. Something big, like you said earlier. I'll keep thinking until I come up with something. You can count on that!"

Before they all parted ways, Kanon quietly handed an envelope to Hagumi. It was blue, like the previous one. "You don't have to open it right now, Hagumi-chan," she said, and smiled. "Just when you're feeling down."

Hagumi felt her heart warm with gratitude. "Thank you, Kanon-chan-senpai!"

Kaoru responded to Hagumi's text a little while later, saying that she was absolutely up for a rendezvous after school. She had things to do at the theater, so Hagumi agreed to meet her there. Just the ability to go somewhere aside from home after school was nice, and the possibility that this could become something more permanent was even better.

When she arrived, Kaoru was talking to several other students. Hagumi felt a little out of place since she was the only one there not wearing that school's uniform, but Kaoru smiled at her encouragingly and then quickly finished up the talk with the others. Once they all left and Kaoru and Hagumi were alone, Kaoru turned to her. "Ah, Hagumi! I am so glad to see you," she said. "And it's such a nice surprise to see you when we aren't practicing. How are you feeling? I know things have been difficult for you."

"Yeah..." Hagumi said, and nodded. "But... I think I have an idea that could make things easier for me! That's why I came to talk to you."

"For you, my darling kitten, I am all ears. Come, let's sit together." Kaoru pulled up a few chairs and sat down on one. Hagumi sat down on another. "Now, tell me what is troubling you," she said.

So Hagumi explained the situation with her family as best as she could. She hadn't really been expecting to tell all these gory details to so many of her friends, but in a way it felt kind of nice to do so. She ended by saying, "Right now I've been so sad lately that I thought it was kind of weird to stay in a band that makes people smile. That's why I wanted to quit. And I still don't know if I can be in the band, but... I want to smile again anyway. And I think the best way to do that would be to spend less time at home with my parents. I still love them, but..."

Kaoru held up a hand. "Hagumi. You do not owe anyone your love and devotion. If there are people who have been unkind to you, you don't have to be obligated to love them."

"But... they're my family..."

"It's true, they are," Kaoru nodded. "And feelings about your family can be very complicated when they have not been kind to you. It gets especially confusing when sometimes they still do good things. In these cases, some people choose to maintain ties with their family, and others do not. There is no right or wrong answer here. It all comes down to what you feel inside. Just know that it is a personal choice, and no one else's. Now then: what is it in specific that you wished to ask me about?"

"Well," said Hagumi, "Basically, I was wondering if there was anything that I could help you with, or that you could teach me. Maybe something we could do once a week? My parents are not in a good mood lately, and when that happens, they start picking on me... so I was hoping for something that could keep me away from them, and also something that they would think is important."

Kaoru frowned. "Hagumi, yours is a golden soul," she said. "It pains me to see it in such fear and hurt."

"Th... thank you, Kaoru-kun!" said Hagumi, who was not even remotely expecting a response like that. She wasn't sure how to respond to it exactly, either.

Fortunately, she didn't have to. Kaoru began to explain herself. "Think about why you are doing what you are doing. And then think about what you really, truly want to do. Pretend that your family has nothing to do with this. If you could go anywhere and do anything... what would you do?"

"I..." Hagumi paused. Had she ever really thought about that? Everything had been tied up with her family and trying to appease her parents for so long. "I'm... not sure," she said.

"Do you know why you're not sure?" Kaoru said. "Don't worry about answering. That was a rhetorical question. Here is the thing: your whole life, you have been focused on assuaging your parents. Minimizing yourself and your own wants and needs in order to also minimize the hurt. Wanting to spend some time away from them is a good first step. However, I believe that your ultimate goal should be to get away from them entirely. Once you do, you can begin to heal and then focus on what you really want."

"I was thinking that too, but I can't come up with anything," said Hagumi. "I'm still young... so I can't leave until I'm a grown-up."

"That is quite true," said Kaoru. "You can't leave permanently. But you can use the time in-between to take steps to get very close to that point. Figuring out how to spend time away from home to begin with is an excellent start, as we've discussed. But let's talk about how to make that work for you. That is the real question here. So once again, I'll ask: what would you do if you could do anything? If nothing depended on your parents and their mood?"

It was so, so hard to grasp that. It almost seemed as though everything Hagumi did was tinted by them and their presence. What did she really want to do? Play softball forever? Run forever? Be with her friends forever?

Make the whole world smile?

...with Kokoro?

She thought about how Kokoro had said that she didn't really have a family either and that she was trying to build one through the band. They both almost seemed to be twin souls in that way: searching for something they didn't have. Seeking their own version of normal. Maybe, if they had each other...

"...I want to make the whole world smile," said Hagumi. "I want to travel the entire world with Kokoro and do that."

"I thought that might be the case," said Kaoru. She smiled at her. "And you can do that through music, correct?"

"Yeah!" said Hagumi. She was remembering how earlier she'd thought about trying to get through to her parents that music was important and something she could invest in. That's when she'd gotten hung up on it, though. What could she do about that _now_, exactly? She'd even asked the others and they hadn't come up with anything.

She needn't have worried. Kaoru was already talking again. "Now, here's what I think we can do for that. I think we can come up with a traveling show - something that lasts a long time. Maybe several months. I know a lot about actors, so allow me to tell you how it works when a young actor has to travel for work. They are able to do school remotely, through tutors on the internet. So, what does that mean for you? It means that you can be away from home for weeks or even months at a time, and still get all your lessons and coursework done."

"Really?" Hagumi felt her heart brighten as she realized where Kaoru was headed with this idea. Then a thought occurred to her and she got nervous again. "Um," she said, poking her two fingers together. "But... if I was back in the band and we did that as a band... I don't know, would you and Kanon-chan-senpai and Mii-kun all want to do this too?"

"My little kitten," said Kaoru, "Even if we are unable to follow you and Kokoro everywhere, the two of you can carry the band to many faraway places on your own beautiful wings. No matter how the family of your birth treats you, our Hello Happy family will always be behind you and support you."

This was turning into a lot of awfully big words and flowery language. "So that means that Kokoron and I should do it by ourselves?" Hagumi asked, trying to understand.

"It means that a traveling troupe doesn't always need to have all its members in it every time it travels," said Kaoru.

Ohhh. Things were starting to make sense now. To think that she could maybe, actually, _truly_ travel the world with Kokoro... not as an abstract future idea, but as something that she could do now. Hagumi felt her heart leaping in her chest. "Do you think it will really work?" she asked. "What if my parents say no?"

"That's why we're going to convince them not to," said Kaoru. "And that could be a challenge. But in all good plays, the hero most overcome several obstacles in order to get to where they wish. As the great bard Shakespeare once said: All the world ‘s a stage, and all the men and women merely players. You, too, are playing a part, my dear Hagumi. But you're not alone. We're going to do all we can to help you arrive at the end of this story."

"Really?" said Hagumi. "Thank you so much, Kaoru-kun! You've been so helpful!"

"It is always my pleasure," Kaoru exclaimed with a rather dramatic sweep of her hair with her hand. "Now then, for your other, slightly more urgent problem: yes, I do believe I can help you stay away from your home in the meantime. I can accomplish this by providing you with acting lessons to help with your future as a traveling star. And the only fee for these lessons? Is your smile."

Hagumi smiled, and it was a big smile.

She felt better than ever when she returned home that night. She had things lined up for the next couple of evenings. Acting lessons with Kaoru... study sessions with Kanon and Misaki...

She realized that she kind of wanted to see Kokoro again and tell her what Kaoru had. But also, she just kind of wanted to be near Kokoro again. She was feeling galvanized and she thought that being with Kokoro would make her feel even more so. Well, she would see her again the next day at school, and then they could talk and -

\- oh. She heard the familiar voices again. Her parents sniping each other with harsh, barbed words.

Hagumi lay down on her bed and buried her head under the pillows. She couldn't drown them out, no matter how hard she tried. Why did they always have to do this when she was starting to feel better? She'd even talked to the others at school...

...that's right. She remembered the envelope that Kanon had given her. She pulled it out of her backpack. It was such a pretty color - the color of a clear blue sky. She opened it. Inside was another card from the aquarium. On the front of it was a photograph of a single, lone jellyfish floating through darkness.

She opened the card. It was much like the previous card from Kanon - inside were a few hand-drawn jellyfish. This time, the note was simple. "Even the smallest jellyfish is stronger than it thinks. It has survived all the dangers of the ocean so far. I know you can, too! From, Kanon."

Hagumi clutched the card tightly. Her parents were determined to make life miserable for her... but she was going to leave. Someday soon she was going to leave and go far away where the voices couldn't follow. And whether her parents were still together or not, it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't matter because she would be with the family that she chose for herself.


	10. Chapter 10

Hagumi was trapped in her dream again.

This time she was trapped in a place she'd never been before. Usually, when she dreamed, the setting was familiar - at least for the most part. But this time she was in a strange building that was entirely made of glass. She could look outside and see a beautiful field to run around in, but she couldn't get out.

In fact, there was no door.

The only other thing in the strange building with her was Happy-kun, the fish. He was several times bigger than he was in real life, and he was swimming around in the air as though it was water. It made him look like he was flying. "Hello, Hagumi-chan," he said as he flew a little circle around Hagumi. "Fancy seeing you here...!"

"H... Happy-kun?" Hagumi asked.

"Yes, it's me," said Happy-kun. "Are you surprised? You're in my home, after all."

That actually kind of made sense, Hagumi realized. The high, clear glass walls and the ability to see all around... of course it made sense that she was in some sort of giant fish tank. "Did... did I shrink, or did you grow?" she asked, curious.

"A bit of both, perhaps," said Happy-kun. He did a little flip. "Did you see Michelle recently?" he asked then. "She's one of my best friends. She said that you were looking for me."

"Oh, right!" said Hagumi, suddenly remembering her earlier dream. "She was going to the magical fairy bear world but she was too fast for me... and I lost track of her. But she said you knew the way, too!"

"It's true, I do," said Happy-kun. "Unfortunately, I am stuck here. There is no door, you see."

"Aren't you happy here, Happy-kun?" Hagumi asked suddenly. "We got you everything we thought you needed. A bigger tank with a filter and bubbles and everything!"

"Indeed," said Happy-kun. "But pets need more than just the requirements to be happy, you know."

"I see," said Hagumi. She felt a little sheepish now. She probably should have known all of this.

"Do not fret!" said Happy-kun. "You've done your best and you are still learning. I am here to tell you how to get to Michelle's magical fairy land. It is a secret, though, so you'll have to lean in and listen carefully..."

Hagumi leaned in.

And her alarm began to ring.

Being awoken in the middle of a dream always made Hagumi feel extra groggy, so she spent much of that morning in a haze. Her parents were still being snippy with each other over breakfast. Hagumi did her best to ignore it, although she felt a fire of a sort building in her stomach. She was this close to being out. _This close._ And yet, they still had to do this. They still had to tease her about separating and getting divorced and then they had to keep going back on it. Maybe if she ignored them, they would go away. Maybe they would just disappear.

Her mother went into another room, and her father came to talk to Hagumi briefly right as she was leaving. "Don't believe anything your mother says about me, Hagumi," he said. "She's making things up for attention."

So they were back to this again. Her mother trying to get her on her side, and her father trying to get her on his side. What was she, some sort of bargaining chip? A prize for them to fight over? "Ugh... I'll see you later," she said, barely hiding the distaste in her voice as she left the house and went to school.

She felt like her mood was volatile right now. She had been feeling a lot better about things after talking to Kaoru, but now that her parents were back to their old selves she was grumpy. She decided to try to focus on her surroundings in order to make herself smile. That usually worked. She took in the green in the grass and in the leaves on the trees. She admired every flower she saw, thinking about how nice they must have smelled. She took a few deep breaths... and smiled.

There.

That was better.

School went well. She told her friends about her visit with Kaoru over lunch. "Kaoru says we could come up with some sort of idea for a traveling show," she said between bites of her croquette. "She said that not everyone has to go at one time, so anyone who doesn't want to be away for a long time doesn't have to be. But we were both thinking it would be a good way for me to stay away from home for a while."

"That sounds like an amazing idea!" said Kokoro. She reached into her own bento and pulled out a rice ball that had been specially formed into the shape of a very cute cat face. She bit into it undeterred. "Count me in for going everywhere with everyone! Every single time!"

For some reason Hagumi felt a twinge of jealousy. She hoped that Kokoro mostly, especially wanted to spend time with her. She thought that feeling jealous probably wasn't very good, so she shook it away. "Yeah!" she said. "I want to go everywhere too. If my parents will let me, that is." She sighed.

"Oh no... are they at it again?" Kanon frowned.

"They said they were going to give it one last try before they separated, but now I think this is all just going to go on forever," said Hagumi. "I think they're just stuck in a cycle now. I have to be the one to leave, for sure!" She said this with determination. Before, she wouldn't have been so sure about this course of action, but talking to Kaoru had galvanized her.

"That's the spirit, Hagumi!" said Kokoro. "I'm still doing my best to try to think up some ideas, too. I know we're going to get you out of this whole mess!" She pulled out another rice ball. This one looked exactly like Michelle's head. "Wow!" she exclaimed as she admired it. "I always thought Michelle looked yummy!"

"Wait, what?" said Misaki, her eyes wide.

Kokoro bit into the rice ball. "Delicious!" she said. "She tastes just as good as I thought she would!"

"Um... right..." said Misaki. "Anyway, Hagumi. I'm happy that you're finally starting to get somewhere with this. It's really hard to break out of this sort of cycle. I'm sure it's still not going to be easy as you continue, but just the right mindset is helpful."

"Thank you, Mii-kun!" said Hagumi. "All of you have been great! I feel a little bit bad about not being in the band, but..."

"Don't worry about it!" Kokoro exclaimed. She was digging around in her bento again, but she seemed to be all out of rice balls. "We'll always have a spot waiting just for you if you ever want to join up again!" she said.

Hagumi was truly grateful for that. She was also glad that Kokoro didn't appear to be too broken up about it. She'd told them all that the reason she'd left the band was that she was struggling to smile, and that was partially true. But what only Kokoro knew - if she even did - was that she'd quit the band to distance herself from Kokoro. Hagumi couldn't allow herself to get too close to anyone.

She didn't want to end up like her parents. She didn't want to make anyone sad. And if that meant isolating herself forever, then...

"Ah... Hagumi-chan... are you okay?" Kanon asked.

"Oh... sorry! I must have been spacing out a little." Hagumi went back to eating her croquette. It seemed that some things might take a while to change, but hopefully... they _would_ change.

And for the moment, that was all she could ask for.

After school, she spent some time with Kaoru. Kaoru taught her to better project her voice to make it easier for a whole auditorium to hear, and also how to turn just a little bit so she could face the audience as well as continue to act with anyone else who was next to her on stage. Hagumi couldn't help but pretend that she was doing the parade show with the band. She didn't know if she would ever actually do it at this point, but just in case...

She returned home afterwards, feeling better after getting to spend the day out with other people. She was not surprised to learn that her parents were still in a bad mood. She went to her room, hoping to avoid them entirely, but instead her mother caught her on the way. "Hagumi, have you been keeping up on your studies?"

"Yes, mom..."

"You were out late again today. I just don't want you to -"

Suddenly Hagumi's father appeared from around the corner and finished her mother's sentence. " - end up like me, is that it? Is that what you're always telling her?"

"You're putting words in my mouth again," said her mother. "I didn't say that."

"But you were going to, weren't you?" said her father. He turned to Hagumi. "Has she been telling you that?"

What was she supposed to say? It didn't matter what she said. If she sided with her father, her mother would be upset with her. If she sided with her mother, her father would be upset with her. And either way, they'd both keep fighting. Was this just how it was going to be from here on out?

Hagumi hated it. She hated it so much.

And before she knew what she was doing, she was raising her own voice.

"Why do you have to drag me into this? Why can't you both just shut up and stop fighting? Why can't you care about each other and about me?"

They both glared at her. Oh no. Apparently she'd picked the third option, which was to disagree with both of them. "Don't talk back like that," her father snapped.

"Well it doesn't matter now, does it?" Hagumi was already in too deep, and she was angry. She'd might as well keep digging the hole. "It doesn't matter what I say! We're all just going to be angry with each other anyway, aren't we?"

"Hagumi!" said her mother.

But Hagumi was already heading up the stairs to her room, where she shut the door and sat down at her desk. She felt miserable, but mostly she was just upset. She had been starting to feel better because of her friends, and then her parents had had to go and ruin it.

Maybe Kokoro and Kaoru the others had been right after all. Maybe it wasn't about the family you were born with. Why should she owe them anything? She used to think she owed them her devotion because they fed and sheltered her, but that was really just the bare minimum, wasn't it?

This was all stupid and she hated it.

She started working on her homework - not that it was easy when she was this riled up. Eventually her parents called her for dinner but she ignored them. She'd sneak some food out of the kitchen after they were all in bed. Until then, she didn't want to see or deal with anyone.

Night fell and it was dark. The indigo sky twinkled with stars outside the window. Once Hagumi was sure that her parents were in bed, she sneaked downstairs and got herself some food, then returned to her room to eat at her desk. She'd had trouble concentrating on her studies because of her sour mood, so she was determined to try to do just a little more before going to bed.

She had just been working for a few minutes when her phone buzzed. It was a text from Kokoro. She swiped the app open and read the message:

"Look out the window."

Puzzled, Hagumi turned and looked out the window. She was half expecting to see Kokoro standing there atop a ladder with her pink helmet, but no, there wasn't anyone there.

Maybe whatever it was was on the ground?

She got out of her chair and went over to the window. She opened it and looked down.

Kokoro was standing there, waving at her. "Hagumi~" she called out.

"Kokoron?" Hagumi replied.

"I've got a surprise for you!" Kokoro called back. "You should come see!"

Hagumi realized then that she and Kokoro probably shouldn't do all this yelling. Her parents were already in a bad enough mood as it was, and she was supposed to be asleep on top of that. She signaled for Kokoro to wait, then she crept downstairs and went out the front door. She went all the around the house to where Kokoro was. "Kokoron! What is it?" she said.

Kokoro grabbed Hagumi in a tight hug and squeezed her. "I think I finally came up with a way to help, and I came to tell you about it!" she exclaimed.

"You... you did?" Hagumi was stunned mostly by the embrace, which was warm and comforting.

"Yes! But! I want to tell you in a very special way. Come on, follow me!"

Kokoro turned and ran off towards the closest park. Hagumi was mystified, but she followed. Together they ran through the soft grass until Hagumi saw what Kokoro meant, and she came to a stop and then could only gape in wonder.

There, in the park, guarded by some of the Suits, was the hot air balloon, inflated and ready to go.

It was lit up by dozens of twinkling lights - the stars that had been added to illuminate the balloon at the end of the show - and they looked utterly breathtaking here with the actual stars as its backdrop. "Wow," was all Hagumi could manage to breathe out after a moment.

"Don't you think it's beautiful?" asked Kokoro. Hagumi turned to look at her. It wasn't easy to take her eyes off of the gorgeous sight that was a balloon seemingly made of shining stars, but on the other hand, it _was_ easy to look at Kokoro, instead. Currently the twinkling lights of the balloon were reflected in Kokoro's eyes, and her eyes sparkled as she looked back at Hagumi.

"It's wonderful!" Hagumi said.

"I knew you'd love it!" said Kokoro. Then, she said "Well? Do you want to go for a ride?"

"A ride?"

"Of course! That's why I brought it here for you to begin with! That's how I want to tell you about my idea." She took Hagumi's hand and led her over to the basket. Hagumi could hardly believe what was happening. The most wonderful girl in the world was going to take her on a magical ride through the night sky. It almost didn't seem real. It was all too like a dream.

Kokoro helped Hagumi into the basket and then Kokoro waved at one of the nearby Suits. The Suits, in return, began talking on their radios, and within moments the balloon was traveling up, up into the deep blue sky.

Riding in the balloon had been a wondrous thing before, but now it was simply breathtaking. Everywhere there were lights. The world below was dotted with them, the sky was dusted with them, the balloon was lined with them, and they were even there in Kokoro's eyes as she leaned out over the basket and took in the view. Hagumi decided to follow her lead, and she leaned over the basket and waved at what she imagined to be people down below. She didn't think anyone was down there at this time of night, and even if there were she didn't think they would be able to see her, but she couldn't _not_ do it. Kokoro's enthusiasm was infectious.

Soon enough they were so far off the ground that Hagumi knew for sure that they were too far away for anyone to see them, and at that point the balloon just drifted lazily through the starlight night. Hagumi felt like they were riding through space on a mission not just to make the world smile, but to make the entire universe smile, too. The stars in the sky and on the ground and on the balloon and in Kokoro's face filled her with contentment and peace. All over she felt warm and full of hope.

"This is even more wonderful than I thought it would be," Kokoro said, and she let out a little sigh of happiness. "I'm so glad I get to do this here with you, Hagumi. Even if you can't be in the show and we get Kasumi to help us with that, at least we'll have this ride, you know? But speaking of the show, I wanted to tell you about my idea!" She looked over at Hagumi. "You know how we were talking about making a traveling show? Well... what if we made our _parade_ the traveling show? We really could take our balloon everywhere, just like we were talking about. We could go all over the world and show everyone our parade... in fact, it would be just like the story we came up with! We'd be traveling from far away to make people smile. And even better... you'd be smiling too, Hagumi! Because you wouldn't be stuck at home with your parents anymore. You'd just be with me and with anyone else who wanted to come. We could do online tutors with school to complete our studies. And then when we finished school? We could maybe go to places even more far away! It might be a little hard to convince your parents at first, but... I think that we could tell them that it's teaching you how to be good with music and that you have a great future with it." She tilted her head. "What do you think?"

Hagumi thought it all seemed almost too wonderful to be true. But could this all be real? Could it all be within reach? Could she and Kokoro really, truly have a happy ending?

She thought about that day when they were last in the balloon. When Kokoro had asked Hagumi if they could be together, and Hagumi had turned her down. It was true, she was still scared. She was utterly terrified that she would hurt Kokoro.

But she had to break the cycle, didn't she? If she didn't, then who would? If she didn't, then she would be stuck here with her parents forever.

It was frightening. She still didn't know if she could be with Kokoro. She still didn't know if she could be in the band. But here, now, under the stars...

...it almost seemed possible.

"I... I like it, Kokoron!" she said. "I think it's worth trying."

"I'm so glad you agree!" Kokoro's eyes were glinting from the lights on the balloon. "I've been a little worried about you, Hagumi... but... I think this is something we can do together!"

"Yeah! I hope so!" said Hagumi.

"Mmm..." said Kokoro. "I think this is one of the best nights ever. I'm really glad we got to spend it together. It's true what I said earlier, you know. I don't really think that either of us really have a normal family. I like that we can come together and make our own normal. We can do the things that families are supposed to do, like support each other and care for each other and do everything together." She was resting her arms on the side of the basket and looking down at the city lights below.

This was such a wondrous idea that Hagumi could hardly believe it was a real one. "We should definitely do that together," she said. "I really, really want to try."

Kokoro looked over at her. The lights were making her golden hair shine just like her eyes. And suddenly Hagumi wondered... was she going to ask like she had last time? And if she did... how would she answer?

But she didn't ask. Instead she just yawned. "This has been such a wonderful night," she mused. She looked down at the earth below them again. "Oops."

"Oops?" Hagumi asked.

"I forgot to tell them when to bring us down for a landing!"

"Ohh." Hagumi scratched her head. "So will we just keep floating away... forever?" That didn't seem like the worst fate, really. At least she'd be with Kokoro.

"I'm sure they'll get us back safely! They're very good at that." Kokoro yawned again and sat down on the floor of the basket, her back pushed up against the side. Hagumi followed suit. "Until then, we can just take a nap," said Kokoro. "I bet when we wake up we'll be back at home! It'll be like a nice dream."

Hagumi, too, was starting to feel sleepy. It had been a long day and it was getting late. And no matter how ridiculous this all was, she believed Kokoro. Somehow, the things that Kokoro said had a way of coming true.

They fell asleep gently leaning against each other, their heads touching.

Hagumi wasn't quite sure how she got home and in her bed. It just sort of... happened. She had snatches of memories of Kokoro and the suits making sure she got home safely, and she seemed to recall climbing up the stairs and falling into bed. But it all almost seemed like a dream.

Well, not the part about the balloon ride itself. That had been so vivid that she knew it was real.

She went down to eat breakfast and she saw her parents. She was going to tell them. She was going to talk to them and break the cycle before it went any further. "Mom, dad," she said. "You keep saying you want to try a last chance at staying together. Well... here's my last chance for you." She took a deep breath. This would mean going back to the band and the show. This would mean committing to it all again.

She had to try.

"I'm going to do a show with the band," she said. "It's going to be a parade. We should all come, as a family. You can watch me perform. And... I want to show you that I can have a future with music. I want to show you that by being in the band, I can really be someone and go somewhere."

There. She'd said it. Now she just had to wait for the reaction. Instinctively, she thought it would probably be a bad one...

...but to her surprise, her parents looked at her and then looked at each other and nodded.

"I'm okay with that," said her father.

"Me too," said her mother. "When is it?"

And Hagumi let out the breath that she didn't know she'd been holding.


	11. Chapter 11

It was the last weekend before the actual show.

Hagumi was at a pet shop with Kanon and Misaki.

They had spent much of the morning at a library, all three of them studying together, as a part of the plan for everyone to take turns giving Hagumi a good reason to get out of the house. It was there where Hagumi had suggested they get an even bigger home for Happy-kun. She told them about the dream that she'd had, and both Misaki and Kanon agreed that it could only be a good thing to improve a pet's habitat. "In fact," said Kanon, "I've been doing a lot of research, and I was kind of thinking of doing that very thing!"

So, now that they had finished up with some studying, they were looking for the best possible home for a pet fish. All three finally agreed on one very large tank that was probably actually meant for several fish, but they agreed that if the fish was going to be named Happy-kun, he deserved to be as happy as possible to live up to his namesake. After deciding on the new tank, they picked out several new decorations and plants that would give their fish as many hiding places as he would need. Hagumi felt so comfortable being with Kanon and Misaki. The band was her real family, she thought, as they gathered up all their supplies (with the help of the Suits, who had mysteriously arrived to help with the tank, which was far too large for any of the girls to carry) and then headed to Kokoro's place.

The Suits drove them in one of their gigantic black cars. Kanon, Misaki, and Hagumi all piled into the back, where they had some privacy because there was a strange little door between them and the driver's seat. Hagumi had been into a fancy car before, when she'd gone to the bakery with Kokoro, but this car was even bigger and fancier. There were plush seats all around in a semi-circle, and Hagumi picked one spot at random to sit at while Kanon and Misaki sat next to each other opposite her. She noticed that they always seemed to be together, and it made her wonder something... something which she'd sort of assumed, but had never quite confirmed.

She decided to ask about it.

"Mii-kun... Kanon-chan-senpai... can I ask you something? Are you... girlfriends?"

Kanon and Misaki glanced at each other briefly, and then smiled. "Eheh. Was it that obvious?" Misaki asked. Hagumi wasn't sure what to say to that, but apparently Misaki wasn't expecting an answer because she continued, "Yeah. We've been close for a while, but we didn't start dating until recently. We hadn't told anyone yet because there didn't seem to be a right time for it to be brought up, what with the show and everything going on."

"Yeah," said Kanon. "I guess we just didn't want to distract anyone..."

"And things are the same, really," said Misaki. "We're still in the band and everything. Nothing's changed, except for what we call ourselves."

"So that's why you hang out together a lot?" asked Hagumi.

"Well, we were hanging out a lot together beforehand, too," said Misaki. "But it's nice to kind of... put a name to it, I guess."

"Do you ever..." Hagumi paused for a minute before she said anything else. She was worried that what she was about to say was too impolite a question. But Kanon and Misaki were always so nice to her, so... "Do you ever disagree about anything?"

"Not really," said Misaki. "I mean, we have a little trouble trying to figure out where to eat sometimes, but that's just because neither of us can decide on anything."

"Hehe... I'm trying to get better at that," said Kanon. Her eyes were so soft, and they somehow seemed to get even softer when she looked over at Misaki.

So two people could be together and spend a lot of time together and not get tired of each other. Two people could be together like this and not constantly argue or fight. Two people could be together and look at each other with loving eyes instead of harsh ones. It almost seemed like a foreign concept, but... it was the way things should be. It was _right_, somehow. Hagumi knew it was.

The car continued down the long, winding road to Kokoro's house. Once they arrived and began to exit the car, Kanon paused for a moment. "Hagumi-chan?"

Hagumi turned to her. "Kanon-chan-senpai?"

"Hagumi-chan... I know things are really rough for you right now, but I know you can get through it. You're a really good person." She smiled at her. "I think that good things always come around and happen to good people, even if it takes some time, and I know it will come around to you. I hope the cards that I made you helped... I always take good lessons from jellyfish and I really hope you did too."

Hagumi smiled back. Kanon always managed to be able to communicate so much in just a few words and gestures, and it was those things and her comforting smile that was all she needed to do to give Hagumi a boost. "Thank you, Kanon-chan-senpai... for everything!" 

Kokoro was waiting for them eagerly, as was Kaoru, and together they all set up the new tank for Happy-kun. Hagumi hadn't been able to help with his initial tank, and being able to help now filled her with energy. Yes, this was exactly what she was supposed to be doing! Spending time with her friends - the people who made her feel valued and good about herself.

Soon enough the tank was all set up. Happy-kun swam around... slowly at first, then more excitedly. Hagumi didn't know how to tell if a fish was happy or not, but she thought he certainly looked happier than she'd seen him yet.

"Finally," said Kaoru. "A true place for our friend to stretch his fins!"

"I'm so glad you all did this for him," said Kokoro. "He's a part of our band and we need to take extra good care of him and keep him smiling!"

"Yeah," said Kanon. She smiled too. "I was thinking... I know he's sort of my fish, but can we keep him here? I want him to be close to the band. For now, anyway."

"Are you sure, Kanon?" Kokoro asked. "He is your fish, after all. But if you want him to stay here, then I do too! We all love and appreciate him just like we appreciate all of our band members!"

"Yeah, I'm sure!" said Kanon. "I think he should stay here, at least for a little while."

Happy-kun swam around merrily and looked at his new surroundings inquisitively. Yes, Hagumi thought, it was definitely an improvement.

"Okay then, are we all ready? This will be our last dress rehearsal before the actual show!" said Kokoro. "Unfortunately, we still don't have the floats ready yet, but we'll have to do our best without them. Okay! We're going to warm up our voices first, because Kaoru told me that was a good idea. By the time we're done with that, Kasumi should have arrived and we can all practice together!"

Hagumi and Kokoro had done some talking a little earlier and agreed that while Hagumi was tentatively willing to do the show again, they would have Kasumi there as a backup just in case Hagumi decided against it at the last minute. It was made extra clear that Hagumi was of course the first choice, but they also didn't want her to feel pressured in case she wasn't feeling up to it. Hagumi agreed that this was a smart idea, but also inwardly pledged that she was going to do her best to finish the show herself. This was her final chance to see if the family she was born with was willing to stop fighting and stick together - and if that didn't happen, then, well, this was her case for leaving.

Kaoru led them all through a series of voice exercises and some acting warmups, and by the time they were wrapping up with those, Kasumi and Arisa arrived. "Everyone! Hi!!" Kasumi exclaimed. She saw the fish in his tank and dashed over. "Oh my gosh!!!!!!! I love it!!!!!"

"You don't even know what it is," said Arisa.

"Of course I do. It's a fish. And she's _perfect_...."

"Okay, well it's a betta, and it's got long fins, so it's a male fish," Arisa mumbled. "Though, I suppose the fish doesn't care about what you call it... and it _is_ really pretty..."

"Glad you could make it, Kasumi!" said Kokoro brightly. "You've been practicing all your lines and moves at home, right?"

"Yes! Arisa's been helping me out. She insisted on coming, too."

"I _did not!_" Arisa retorted. "I just... um... was bored, so I figured..."

"Ah," said Kaoru. "Young love~"

"_It is not young love!!!"_ Arisa had her hands on her hips. "Ahaha... I mean... sorry for yelling..."

"Anyway!" said Kasumi. "I'm ready when all of you are!"

They got dressed into their outfits - the Suits had made Kasumi one just for her, and she gushed over it and twirled around excitedly as soon as she put it on - and then they headed out back, where the balloon was set up and ready to go. Hagumi couldn't look at it without remembering the magical ride that she and Kokoro had taken together. She hadn't told anyone else about it, and she didn't think that Kokoro had, too. It was like their own secret, something special that they had shared together.

Kasumi and Arisa both gaped at it. "Wow!" Kasumi exclaimed. "I know you said there was a balloon, but I didn't think it was going to be _this_ big!"

"Well, how big did you think it was going to be?" Arisa asked her, although her eyes were still on it. 

"It's amazing!" said Kasumi. "What a great idea for a show!"

"Okay," Kokoro told her, "So this is how it's going to work. "You, me, and Hagumi will stay here with the balloon, while the others take a ride out to our practice location. We'll fly out to meet them! Okay?"

"Is that how the real show is going to go?" Kasumi asked. "You're going to ride in on a balloon?"

"For crying out loud, you'd think we hadn't practiced this a million times," said Arisa.

"Absolutely!" said Kokoro. "It's going to be super, super great!" As soon as she said that, the Suits drove up with their big fancy car. "Alright!" said Kokoro to the others. "We'll see you then!"

Arisa opted to go off with them so she could see the balloon arrive, which meant that Hagumi, Kokoro, and Kasumi all got to ride in the balloon together. Kasumi was beside herself with excitement as they rose into the sky, and she leaned well over the basket to look down at the ground. "Whoa, I think I'm getting a little dizzy," she said after a few minutes of this. She straightened herself and looked up at the kaleidoscope of colors that was the balloon instead.

Kokoro began to explain the details of the descent to them and how they wound sing the song. As she did, Hagumi thought about the whole situation. She was very glad that Kasumi was there to be a backup, and she had no doubt that she'd do a wonderful job if it came down to it. But she really, really wanted to do it herself. This is what they'd all been working towards as a band... as Hagumi's own little family. She wanted to do this for them and for Kokoro, but mostly for herself. The last handful of weeks had been a whirlwind of mostly negative emotions. She wanted to actually end it on a positive note. She wanted to make it the show that would change everything for the better.

They approached the landing area. The plan was for Kasumi and Hagumi to both sing their lines together, so they got ready as the balloon started to descend. Closer it got, and closer...

"Places!" said Kokoro.

Hagumi and Kasumi got into position. It was a bit of a tight squeeze with the three of them in the basket, but they managed.

"...and, everyone wave!" said Kokoro.

They waved at their imaginary audience. Hagumi imagined that her family was down there watching her. Everything was riding on this, wasn't it? If she failed, then that would be it, right? That thought was a bit nerve-wracking...

...she was distracting herself. She tried to pull herself together, but found she was a little late with the lines as they landed and began to sing.

The dance started. Hagumi had practiced it dozens of times, and it looked like Kasumi had too, and both of them performed their moves smoothly. But now Hagumi was sidetracked. What if she _didn't_ do this perfectly? What if she messed up her one chance...

Kasumi danced off without her. Hagumi ran to catch up. She was a bit slow on the draw again. Why was she having so much trouble with this? She had been feeling fine earlier. Now that she was nervous and it was affecting her performance, it began to snowball. Where was she at in the practice? Right, she had to be somewhere in the crowd... looking for Kokoro...

...there, she saw Kokoro. Now what was her line again?

Kasumi sang them without her. Hagumi joined in, but stumbled on the words. Now that she knew for sure she was doing badly, she was having trouble recovering. She began to wonder if she could do this after all. 

Her head spun as she finished the dance and returned to the balloon with Kokoro and Kasumi. They were really giving it their all, Hagumi thought. Why couldn't she get this right? It had gone badly the last dress rehearsal, too. Was she doomed to just not be able to do the show right?

The balloon took off. The three girls waved their farewells to the imaginary crowd below, and then once they were off in the distance, Hagumi sighed. "Everyone... I'm so sorry," she said. "I kept messing up... I think I'm just too worried about things at home still." She fidgeted with some of the ribbons on her costume. She had a thought about what this probably meant, but she was afraid to say it out loud.

"Aw... Hagumi..." said Kokoro. Her eyes were round and concerned. "Is there anything we can fix to make it easier for you?"

"I... I don't think so," said Hagumi. "I think... I think maybe Ka-kun should just do the show with you. She did it really well and... I think she's better prepared, too. I guess I'm not really ready to be in the band again just yet after all."

"Hagu, are you sure?" asked Kasumi. Her expression, too, was full of soft concern. "Maybe you just had a bit of an off day! You might be feeling better when the show actually happens."

"Maybe," said Hagumi. "But... I don't want to make things hard on you guys! You should probably just... prepare for it like I'm not going to be there." She smiled, and she tried to make it an encouraging one, but she was pretty sure it just came out sad.

"Well... alright, if you're sure," said Kokoro. She didn't look sure herself, though, and Hagumi wondered if she had just made her sad. Again. She seemed to do that a lot, she thought.

They all arrived back at Kokoro's place soon after. Hagumi told the others what she was thinking. "I'm really sorry, everyone," she said. "But... I don't think I can do the show. I was hoping to be back in the band with all of you again, and show my parents that this is something I can do. But..."

"But it's okay!" Kokoro finished her sentence for her. "We're all going to keep supporting Hagumi the best we can, and in the meantime, Kasumi will step in for us and do our show with us."

"I'm going to do my best!" said Kasumi with a not inconsiderable amount of determination in her voice. It made Hagumi feel confident that things would be okay even without her.

"Thanks so much for supporting me, everyone," said Hagumi. She said it earnestly because she meant it. "You're all the best friends that I could ever have!"

They all parted and went their separate ways soon after. Even though this had been their last dress rehearsal, they planned to do a couple more casual rehearsals at Kokoro's place throughout the week before their final show the next weekend. Hagumi was the last to leave. Even Kokoro had somewhere to be, although she assured Hagumi that she could stay at her place as long as she wanted. So soon enough, it was just Hagumi and the fish. Happy-kun swam lazily around his new tank. Hagumi went up to him, and he got excited and began to swim about a little faster. "I'm really glad you have a nice new home, Happy-kun," said Hagumi. "I wish I had one, too."

Happy-kun didn't reply, of course, since he was a fish and only Michelle could talk to him. It reminded Hagumi of her dream and how she'd been able to talk to him then. Her strange dreams about being trapped still happened every few nights, and Hagumi wondered if they would happen forever.

Nothing seemed to be easy.

"Hello, Hagumi~" a voice said from towards the door.

Hagumi turned. A big, familiar pink bear was standing there. "Michelle?" she asked.

"Hi hi, it's me, Michelle!" she said. She walked in. "I thought I would find you here~"

"What are you doing here?" Hagumi asked.

"Well, I thought you would be... um... Misaki thought you would be staying a little late and told me to check up on you, so... here I am! And I just wanted to be sure that you were doing okay!"

Hagumi was touched by the gesture. "Aw... Michelle... thank you so much! You and Misaki are so good!"

"Aw, gee," said Michelle. "But, anyway. Are you sure you don't want to be in the show?"

"I don't think I can do it," Hagumi said. "I have so much going on and I'm too worried about things. I'm afraid I'm going to mess it up in front of everyone and just make you all look bad... and I don't want to do that! But um, it's okay, really..." Hagumi tried to force a smile, but she was having trouble with it.

"Well, we all definitely want you to feel comfortable, so if you don't want to, that's fine! But even if you did mess things up, we wouldn't mind, you know. Shows like this are for fun, after all. Plus, we all really appreciate you for who you are. And um... just between you and me, I think Kokoro really wants you to be there."

"She does?" Hagumi asked.

"Oh, definitely! I don't think I have seen her smiling wider than she is with you in the balloon. She really likes you a lot. You make her smile the most out of everyone. I think she really admires you for how you much you always keep trying to smile, no matter what."

"O... oh!" Hagumi felt herself blush. She had no idea how to react to any of this. She wasn't special at all! Why would Kokoro think she was? How could she be the one to make Kokoro smile so much, when she was so sad! None of this made sense, but it did make her heart beat a little faster.

"Oh, I hear Happy-kun saying something to me~" Michelle said. She leaned her head down next to him and listened intently. "He's saying that he loves his new tank, and thinks you are definitely a wonderful person!"

"R... really?" Hagumi was blushing again.

"Yep!" Anyway, think about it. We definitely don't want to make you be in the show if you don't want to be, but also... keep it in mind. Okay?"

"Okay..." Hagumi said, and she was unsure at first, but then she felt a little better. Michelle and Happy-kun both believed in her, and apparently Kokoro did too - very much. "Okay," she said again, and it was a little more firm this time. "I'll think about it."

"Good!" said Michelle. "Anyway, I've um... got to go back to the magical fairy land now~ I'll see you later~"

"Bye, Michelle! Thank you!!" said Hagumi as Michelle trundled back out the door.

So Hagumi was alone with the fish again. She felt a little better, though. She decided that she would take Michelle's advice and think about it. So she went home and thought about it the whole way, and by the time she got to her room she was feeling a little better about things.

She pulled out her phone and texted Kokoro. "I'm going to try and see how I'm feeling in the next couple of practice sessions," she said. "But just in case, let's still practice with Kasumi, ok?"

The response she got was almost immediate. "Hagumi!!!!!!! I'm so happy you decided to keep trying!!!!! I think that you'll be great especially with some more practice!!!!"

Kokoro ended the text with several heart and smiley face emojis, and that reminded Hagumi about what Michelle had said earlier about how apparently Hagumi was good at making Kokoro smile. But could it be true? She'd wondered before what made Kokoro smile when Kokoro made everyone else smile.

And apparently it was...

...her?

She couldn't stop thinking about it, so she had one more text conversation with Kokoro that night. "Kokoron, when we're on the balloon together practicing and you're smiling... is that for the show, or is it real smiles?"

"Both!" came the reply. "I'm smiling for the show, but also because I am so happy."

"What's making you so happy?" Hagumi typed back in response. For some reason, her heart was beating a little faster as she typed it.

There was an agonizing minute of silence, and then the reply came: "You!"


	12. Chapter 12

She was on the balloon and there was no one else there.

There was no one else there and the balloon kept rising higher and higher into a sky that was colored the white-gray of rain clouds. What would happen if it started raining while she was on the balloon? And where was the balloon going?

She looked over the edge to see if she could see anything, but all she saw were more clouds. Was it even clouds? Or was the sky just a sort of steely color? She couldn't tell.

"Help!" she called out after a moment. She hadn't really been afraid until now. For some reason the thought of the cold rain was scarier than the prospect of floating away into nothingness, never to be seen again.

She heard music coming from somewhere. The music was muffled and distant, but familiar, and after a minute, she pegged it as their new song for the show.

_It's like sunshine -  
The brightest most beautiful day  
It's like sunshine -  
Happy, Lucky, Smile, Yay!_

The chorus repeated itself over and over, although it remained muffled and never became any clearer. She continued to float away, and away...

...at some point the balloon became a room. She wasn't sure how, but she accepted it, because that was just how these things went in dreams sometimes. The room was sort of her room, but also sort of not. She went to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked. Then she went to the window. Also locked. There was nothing outside the window but steely gray sky. There wasn't any ground below or any trees on the horizon. There wasn't even a horizon. It was almost as though her room itself was the balloon and she was still floating away somewhere.

_She's like sunshine..._

"Who?" She asked aloud it to no one in particular, since she was alone.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out and looked at it. It was a text from Kokoro, and it said one word:

_"You."_

Hagumi woke up.

She had told Michelle and Kokoro both that she was going to try practicing again and see how she felt, but that new resolve was short lived. Her parents had exploded at each other soon after, scary words like "separation" were being thrown around again, and Hagumi hid in her room with her headphones and music and ended up missing the next practice session. That's when she'd decided once and for all, no-take-backs, that she wasn't in a good enough position to try to perform anything with her friends. Now that she'd made up her mind for sure, she thought that it would all be easy from then on.

Except that it wasn't.

The next few days were a blur. She didn't really think about anything. She wasn't really sure if she wanted to. Everything felt strange and Hagumi was on edge. She went to school and even went to practice with the band, because as usual they had been very supportive and told her that they would at least be happy to see her there, and she thought it would make her feel less bad about things. But she never once actually did any practicing herself. She watched Kasumi practice with the others, and she thought Kasumi was doing great. She was be perfect for this, Hagumi thought.

The band members checked in on her frequently. They asked her if she wanted to practice, and she always turned them down. They understood, but assured her that if she ever wanted to step back into her role, she was welcome to. She thanked them politely, but she knew that she wouldn't be participating. In a way, she felt bad. She'd told Michelle and Kokoro both that she would think about it. And here she was, not thinking about it. In fact, she was _very adamantly_ not thinking about it.

She mostly felt bad when she thought about how she was letting Kokoro down. Apparently, she was the one who made Kokoro smile. Apparently Kokoro never smiled more than when she was in their hot air balloon together. And now she wouldn't even be there with her - it would be Kasumi instead. That shouldn't be a problem, because Kasumi was very good at making people smile - Hagumi knew that very well.

But something about this felt different. It felt like she was turning away something special.

Well, it couldn't be helped. If she couldn't perform the show the right way, then no one would be smiling. So she tried not to think about it.

The days crawled by the same way a beetle crawls to the top of a leaf before stopping to take in its surroundings and decide what to do next. Hagumi felt herself getting closer to that threshold, and she kept telling herself that she'd already decided.

Why, then, did her heart feel so conflicted about it?

It _shouldn't_ feel that way, right?

The day before the show arrived and Hagumi almost felt like it was the day before a major exam. She couldn't relax all day. She felt tense all over - she felt it in her shoulders and all the way down her back. But why? She wasn't even going to be in the show? Why was she so tense?

She felt like the beetle on top of the leaf, knowing that it would eventually have to fly into the wind.

They were having one last practice session at Kokoro's place, but Hagumi opted not to go. She thought it would just make the anxiety and strangeness of the day worse. She went home and tried to study, but she found she was too distracted to do that, so she just browsed her phone instead.

At dinner, her parents asked if they were still intending to go to the parade the next day. Hagumi was startled by the question. She'd forgotten to inform that that she wasn't going to be in it anymore. What should she tell them? "Um... no, I don't think so," she said finally. Well, it was final now. It wasn't happening.

"Alright," said her mother. "Music is a hard business to get into anyway, you know. Just keep concentrating on your studies and you'll be fine, okay?"

Hagumi didn't say anything else for the rest of the meal. She went upstairs afterwards and went back to listlessly browsing her phone until bedtime.

The next day was a Saturday. There was no school. There was a parade in the late afternoon.

Hagumi sat in her room and waited.

She wasn't sure what she was waiting for. For it to be over? For the storm to pass? Why was she waiting? This should really just be another normal day.

The hours dragged by. Sooner and sooner came the time where she was supposed to meet up at Kokoro's place... if she was going to be in the show at all, that was. It was driving Hagumi up a wall. She needed something - anything - to distract her.

Distraction didn't seem to be coming. Her parents were at work and the house was quiet. At least, she _thought_ her parents were at work. They had been earlier. But now she heard them milling about outside her bedroom. Why? That was odd. She opened the door a crack and listened.

They seemed to be having a calm and measured discussion for once.

That was odd. And also alarming. Hagumi knew enough by now to know that that was almost alwayas a red flag.

Something compelled her to open the door and go downstairs. Her parents were sitting on the couch and when they saw her, they looked up and smiled. The smiles didn't feel right. There was something strange behind them. "What's going on?" Hagumi asked. "Why aren't you at work?"

"We've got other people running the shop right now," said her dad. "We were actually just talking about you. well, about us. As a family."

"As a family?"

Her mom spoke up this time. "Remember how we said we were going to give things one last try and then if it didn't work out, we would separate?"

Only too well. The threat of separation and divorce had caused Hagumi to miss school, made her sick, stressed her out to the point of quitting the band, and just recently had made her decide not to be in the special show her friends had all been practicing for.

"Well," her mom continued. "We decided not to go through with that after all."

Huh? "What do you mean?" Hagumi asked.

"We want to be a good example for you and your brother," said her dad. "We may fight a lot, but we're still family, you know?"

What? So all of that... had been... for nothing?

All the pain? All the heartache? The missed school? Quitting the band? Quitting the show?

"Does... that mean you're going to stop fighting?" Hagumi asked. All of it may almost have been worth it, she thought, if...

"Well," said her dad, "I don't know if that can be helped."

"What do you mean it can't be helped?" Hagumi said that almost before realizing it.

"Sometimes two people just don't get along," said her mom.

"Then why are you staying together?" Hagumi heard her own voice rising. She couldn't help it. This was ridiculous. This _wasn't fair_. She was the one suffering from it.

"Lots of reasons," said her dad. "The business is a lot of it. But also, we want to stay together as a family, no matter what."

"But real families don't act like this!" Hagumi said. She felt herself bristling. "I know what a real family is!" She said then. "A real family is what I had with the band. We don't fight. Sometimes we get frustrated, or disagree on things, but it's never a bad fight. That's because we understand each other. We listen to each other, and we care about each other. No matter what!"

"That's not a real family," said her mom. "That's just a band..."

"It's not _just_ a band!" Hagumi said. "It's so important to me! And I love..."

She paused and took a breath. They weren't going to understand, were they? No matter what she did or said, they weren't going to understand. They were going to keep fighting and arguing and probably threatening to separate, and then it would just end up like this again. The cycle would continue.

She had to break free.

She had to be the beetle flying into the wind.

"...I love the band! And I love being in the band! And I love making people smile! And that's what I'm going to do. Someday soon I'll be able to go all over and make people smile. Maybe not today, but..."

Wait. _Today_. The parade was going to be starting soon...

"...I have to go," she said. She turned and was out the door before her parents could react.

She got on her bike and pedaled to the bus stop as fast as she could. On the way she saw green grass and colorful flowers and she remembered how much she loved them and how much they made her smile. She got to the stop and got onto the first bus that arrived. Outside the window were tall trees and snow-capped mountains. Someday she would be free to explore those and so far beyond, she thought, and she wouldn't be alone.

The bus pulled to a stop and Hagumi jumped off and got onto her bike and sped off again. She felt the wind in her hair and on her face. She went all the way up the long, long road to Kokoro's house. She didn't know what time it was. She wasn't paying attention. She just desperately hoped it wouldn't be too late...

She arrived at Kokoro's house and dashed into the room where they usually practiced, but it was empty. Her heart sank, but then she remembered that they would probably be meeting at the balloon outside. She saw Happy-kun excitedly swim to the top of the tank, his golden tail fin flowing, which reminded Hagumi of the costume she was supposed to wear. She dashed to the dressing room, pulled the costume on, and then _ran_ out the house and around the building. She was used to running. She was _not_ used to running in such an elaborate costume. But she was able to do it, because she wanted to so badly. She ran and ran and ran...

...around the house now. There it was. The balloon. Kokoro and Kasumi were inside, and there were technicians nearby with controls...

"Waaait!! Kokoron!!!!" Hagumi yelled.

Kokoro saw her and her face burst into her brightest smile yet. "Hagumi!!" she yelled back. She waved at one of the Suits nearby, who said something into a radio. The technicians put the controls down.

Hagumi wasn't about to risk stopping now. "Kokoron...!" She was still running, and as she approached the balloon she reached out her hand, and Kokoro held out hers...

Their hands met and tightened together.

The door to the basket swung open. Hagumi climbed inside, and as soon as she did, Kokoro pulled her into a tight embrace. "I knew you would come!" she said into Hagumi's hair. "I knew it! I told them you would and I was right!"

"It's true! She kept telling me you would come!" Kasumi said. "I believed her, too!"

"Kokoron... Ka-kun... thank you so much for believing in me..." Kokoro's arms were so warm and soft, but Hagumi pulled away so she could look at them and thank them that way. "I'm so sorry that I was late and that I wasn't sure until now."

"That's okay!" said Kokoro. "I knew you were going to be here. I just knew it!"

"And Ka-kun..." Hagumi turned to Kasumi. "Is it okay if you aren't going to be in the show?"

"Of course it is!" said Kasumi. "I belong with PoPiPa, just like you belong with HaroHapi! I'm going to be cheering for you from the ground! You'd better believe I will!"

It was all working out so perfectly, but it wasn't over yet. The show hadn't even begun, and not only that, but Hagumi hadn't practiced in days and the last two dress rehearsals had been near disasters. But she felt confident. Was it a mistake to feel that way? Maybe. But it was okay. She was breaking the cycle.

Kasumi hopped out of the basket and waved at Kokoro and Hagumi as the basket began to ascend into the sky. "Good luck!!" she called out to them. "You're going to do great!!"

Almost as soon as they were airborne, Kokoro wrapped Hagumi up in a warm hug once again. Hagumi felt safe - a feeling she certainly did not entirely feel when she was home. "Hagumi!" said Kokoro as she held her tight. "Are you going to join the band again?"

"Yes!" said Hagumi. This time she didn't have any doubts. This time she was going to let nothing stop her from reaching her own happiness. If her parents didn't like the idea of her touring with the band? She would impress her teachers so much that they would have to talk them into it. And if that still didn't work? She could survive. She could stay with the others as often as she could, and bunker down and wait just another couple of years. "I'm going to stay with the band no matter what," she said. "You're all my real family."

"You are the strongest person I know, I think," said Kokoro thoughtfully. She pulled away and looked at Hagumi with no small amount of wonder in her eyes.

"Wait, really?" asked Hagumi. That was an unexpected compliment.

"Your life has been so rough!" said Kokoro. "You don't really have a family at home - at least, not one that you can depend on. It's like you've been living in the middle of a storm your whole life but you've figured out a way to protect yourself as best as you can. That takes a lot of courage!"

"It does?" Hagumi had really never thought of it that way before.

"Absolutely! And now I think you're making steps to get out of the storm, and that's wonderful! Even if it takes a while... I know you're going to get there eventually. I believe in you! You've survived so much already!"

All the sudden praise was making Hagumi tear up. "Kokoron..."

"No tears right now, Hagumi!" said Kokoro brightly. "It's almost time for the show to start!"

"You're... you're right!" Hagumi wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. This was her chance to prove to herself that she could do it, even after all the false starts and poor practice runs. She was going to do it and nothing could stop her.

She tried to take everything in so she could make this event something to remember. She noticed the clouds all around and the world below as they began their descent. She saw the parade below, and what a bright and colorful parade it was! Each of the floats was either space themed or flower themed, which worked much better than Hagumi thought it would, because the flowers looked like stars and the stars looked like flowers. There was a long line of people on either side of the road, and in front on their own float were Michelle, Kaoru, and Kanon.

It was time. Kokoro and Hagumi leaned over and waved, just like they practiced. This time, Hagumi didn't have to pretend that there was a crowd, because there actually was. She smiled widely. All these people here just to see their show! They waved and waved, and then music began to play from speakers on the floats as the balloon landed next to the parade. Then, on cue, the entire band began to sing:

_Hey! Hey! Did you know?  
We've come from our star to your world below  
There's just one reason why we're here:  
To make you smile and spread some cheer!_

Hagumi and Kokoro jumped out of the balloon eagerly to join the others on the float. Everyone looked amazing and festive in their colorful outfits, and there were smiles all around. They continued their song:

_Hey! Hey! Let's put on a smile  
Singing and dancing all the while  
Come and watch our big parade  
The Hello Happy Masquerade!_

They were all dancing together and then launched into the chorus:

_It's like sunshine -  
The brightest most beautiful day  
It's like sunshine -  
Happy, Lucky, Smile, Yay!_

Now it was time for Hagumi's acting skills. She and Kokoro danced briefly, holding hands together, and then Hagumi danced off the float and onto another with some elegant spins. The floats had been specifically designed to allow the girls to climb on and off of them easily, and Hagumi did so now. This particular float was made to look like a crowd of sorts - standing atop it were swaying prop flowers, but the flowers were tall and almost human shaped, and they were all crowded together. The effect was striking, and Hagumi felt bunched in by them as though she had gotten trapped. Something about it all was familiar... that's right. It felt like her dreams where she couldn't escape. Her heart began to beat a little faster, and for just a few seconds she forgot her lines...

She squeezed her eyes shut for a few seconds. Focus.

Her musical cue came, and she began to sing.

_Hey! Hey! Look at it all  
The world's so big and I'm so small  
So much to see and so much to do  
How will I find my way back to you..._

And then she saw Kokoro.

Kokoro was standing tall on the other float, and the setting sun was behind her, countless rays of orange sun beaming out from where she stood. Hagumi widened her eyes as Kokoro began to sing:

_Hey! Hey! Just listen for me  
I'll sing the song that sets you free  
Just follow the happiness in your heart  
We'll never again have to be apart!_

Hagumi pushed the thick flowers apart and danced back onto the other float, where she and Kokoro joined up again. They held hands and danced together, just like they'd practiced. That's when the chorus began one last time:

_She's like sunshine -  
The brightest most beautiful day  
She's like sunshine -  
Happy, Lucky, Smile, Yay!_

They were almost done now. Just back into the basket...

_Happy, Lucky, Smiiiiile... Yay!_

The song ended, and right as it did the balloon lit up with its twinkling lights and it began to rise into the air. The crowd cheered as the show ended, the parade headed off around a corner and the star-like balloon glimmered against the darkening sky. Hagumi and Kokoro waved at the crowd until they were almost too small to be seen. Hagumi thought she saw the crowd waving back. She was grinning. It had all gone perfectly. Nothing had gone wrong. There had been that scary moment where she'd been in the prop flowers, but she'd made it through.

"You did wonderful!!" Kokoro exclaimed. She was hugging Hagumi again. She seemed to be doing that a lot, lately... not that Hagumi minded. "Your acting was so good! Was that because you've been spending a lot of time with Kaoru?"

"I... I don't know," Hagumi admitted. She thought maybe it wasn't the acting help from Kaoru so much as it was her actually feeling some real feelings. She told that to Kokoro.

"Ah-ha! Kaoru told me about that! It's called method acting!" Kokoro replied. "Anyway, whether you learned it from her or not, I think you did it really well! I bet everyone found it believable and I'm sure it put a smile on their faces!"

"Yeah... I think so too, Kokoron!" said Hagumi. She couldn't describe the emotions she was feeling. She felt elated, to begin with, but she also felt like she'd made it to the end of a very long journey. She felt almost like she could climb into bed and sleep forever - or at least she would, if she didn't feel so pumped up and full of energy.

"I was scared when you said you were going to leave the band, you know," said Kokoro. She looked out over the edge of the basket. The sky was continuing to darken, but the lights on the balloon were twinkling warmly and illuminating her features. "I thought... maybe it was something I had said. Like when I asked... well... you know."

Hagumi looked over at her. Was she blushing? It was so hard to tell in this light. It was kind of strange, she thought, that although this had all happened recently it felt like it had happened long ago. And still she found it hard to believe. Kokoro had really asked her... to be her girlfriend? Had that happened?

"Kokoron..." she said. She decided to admit the truth about how she'd felt that day. "I wasn't upset with you at all, you know. What happened was... well... I was so afraid I would become like my parents and hurt you. I am still a little afraid of that."

"I don't think that's possible for you to do, Hagumi!" said Kokoro genuinely. "You're too good. I don't think you could ever really hurt anyone."

"But... did I hurt you the other day, when I turned you down?" Hagumi pressed.

"Nope!" said Kokoro. "I think it might have actually been bad timing from me. You were under a lot of pressure, and I asked anyway. I'm really sorry about that. But anyway, I think we can still be the best of friends, no matter what!"

"That's... that makes me really happy!" said Hagumi. But she was thinking about something else, too. She was thinking about how she wanted to be... more than best friends.

Could she? Was it true that she could do better than her parents?

She wanted to break the cycle.

She had to try.

She had just done all of this, after all. Maybe she could do one more thing.

"Kokoron?" she asked.

Kokoro turned to face her. The lights on the balloon were twinkling in her eyes.

"Kokoron," Hagumi said again. "I was wondering... did you still... want... to..."

Kokoro reached out and grabbed Hagumi's hands. "Yes!" she exclaimed.

"Yes?" Hagumi was bewildered. "I haven't asked you anything yet!"

"Well, whatever it is, it's going to be good, right?" Kokoro said. "Anyway, I bet you were going to ask if we could still be girlfriends, and my answer is... yes!"

"Really?" Hagumi's heart was thumping.

"Yes, really! Oh, wow!" Kokoro jumped up and down a few times, which caused the basket to swing a little and bounced Hagumi into Kokoro's arms. "Oops, sorry about that!" Kokoro said as she caught Hagumi. "I forgot we were on a balloon for a second! It really feels like we're just gliding through the air together."

The _together_ made Hagumi feel warm. "Yeah!" she said. "Together! And we're going to go all around the world and make everyone happy... together!"

"Absolutely!" said Kokoro.

The two of them straightened themselves up. Hagumi wasn't sure how to process any of this. Had... she and Kokoro just agreed to be girlfriends? That had just happened, right? "Kokoron," she said, "I don't know how to be a girlfriend."

"Me neither!" said Kokoro brightly. "So we can figure it out together, right?"

Hagumi hadn't thought of it that way, but it was a good point. "Yeah!" she agreed. "We'll definitely figure it out together! And... we'll do all sorts of things together!"

"That's the spirit!" said Kokoro.

"And..." said Hagumi, "We can be our own family. Because we never had normal ones... so..."

"...so we can make our own normal!" Kokoro finished for her. "Just like we were talking about earlier! I love it! It's a great idea. I always wanted to have a family who was always there for me. A family that would make me happy and smile in person and not just from far away. That's the band, but also, it's you!"

"Yeah!" said Hagumi. She couldn't deal with all this rapid fire praise and she blushed as she looked out among the gleaming lights of the city that they were soaring over. She recognized the area they were in - they were coming up on Kokoro's house. They would probably be landing soon.

"Hey, Hagumi," said Kokoro, going to stand right next to her. "Holding hands is a girlfriend thing, right?"

"Yeah, I think so!" said Hagumi.

Kokoro took her hand, and they held hands as the balloon descended.

Much to her surprise, Hagumi's parents were waiting for her when she got home. After the rest of the day's excitement, she'd almost forgotten about them. She couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment upon seeing them, though. Did they really have to show up now and ruin what had turned into an amazing day?

"Hagumi," said her mother. "We went to your show."

...wait, they did? "You did?"

"Yes," said her mom. "We realized it was important to you when you ran off, so we decided to go and support you."

"Oh!" Hagumi hadn't been expecting that whatsoever. "What... did you think?" she asked.

"We think..." her mother began, then turned to look at her father.

He cleared his throat. "We think you have a talent at this, and if it's something you want to pursue, then we aren't going to stop you. So long as you keep up on all your other schoolwork, you can do what you want with the band. Even if that includes traveling with it sometimes."

"Really?" Hagumi's eyes widened.

"As for your mother and I, we're going to try to stay together," he continued. "As we were telling you before, we think it's better for us to try to stay together as a family."

Hagumi didn't believe that for one minute, but she'd already tuned their voices out. She could do whatever she wanted with the band. She really could travel the world with Kokoro!

Kokoro... her girlfriend!

That thought filled her with glee and she excused herself and went up to her room as soon as she could. Once there, she pulled out her phone and sent a text to Kokoro. "My parents went to the show!" she said.

"Really????" Kokoro's response was almost immediate

"They said I can do whatever I want with the band!!" Hagumi replied.

"That's great!!!! Soon we'll be able to travel all around the world!!!"

"Yeah!!!" Hagumi flopped onto her bed. "We can go to all the bakeries in the world and eat all the cakes!!"

"Yes!! Together!!" This reply was followed by dozens of heart emojis and this time Hagumi knew exactly what they meant. She clutched the phone to her chest suddenly. She felt so giddy that she could burst.

Her phone buzzed while she was holding it like that. She looked at it.

Kokoro had sent another text. "I forgot to tell you! Happy-kun is making a bubble nest!!"

"What's that?" Hagumi texted back.

"I asked Kanon earlier, before you texted me just now. She said it means he is very happy and comfortable! I'm so glad we've made him the happiest fish!!"

"Me too!" Hagumi said.

"And you know what? You've made me the happiest girl!!"

Hagumi's heart felt full. "You too!" was all she could reply, even though she didn't think that could convey her emotions. But that was okay! Soon they would be together all the time, and then she could convey her emotions through her care and actions.

Finally, she knew, she'd found her real family.

She cuddled up against her phone again and smiled. It was a real, genuine smile.

It was like sunshine.

**Author's Note:**

> (Thanks for reading! Feel free to hit me up on twitter - https://twitter.com/pikestaff


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